experienceandpatience

It's not... as weird as Bucky thought it would have been. It's different, sure, but it's not weird. He's a little reluctant to let go of Zemo but he does since they can't really walk to the car stumbling around like that.

"You could have woken up as a frog this morning and I'd still keep you," he jokes, letting his hand fall away as he gets the door for Zemo before making his way around to the driver's seat, slipping in quietly. They're just stopped on the side of the street, not in a proper carpark, so it's not so discreet to just start making out in the car - not that that thought had ever crossed his mind, of course... - but it does feel a little bit more like a disgusting honeymoon when he tries to contain a laugh sitting in next to Zemo, checking the mirrors before glancing over at Zemo again.

"So. Mall?"

Zemo-- may be enjoying the extra attention, the openness. That's certainly new, in public, and no accompanying complaints that he's just being horny either. He scoots a bit closer when they're both in the car, leaning in to brush a kiss along Bucky's jaw playfully.

"Yes, the mall." Even if it is rather tempting to suggest someone more private. "We could skip the steakhouse later," he suggests after a moment.

"There is a drive-in theatre in town." There will be questionable food there, and likely questionably terrible movies, but it is a little more private. Plenty of excuses to sit close for warmth though, even if they offer little heaters for it.

"You wanna do a drive-in theatre?" Bucky asks with a small laugh. Honestly he's not that familiar with the format - there was one in New York before the war, but it was one of those things that really boomed and then subsequently declined in popularity while he was the Winter Soldier. But he's aware of how they work and what's involved and he's pleasantly surprised Zemo would choose that over a steakhouse.

"Okay. Well let's see how the day goes." Having several ideas for spending the evening is better than none. Regardless of whether they end up at the theatre or at the steakhouse, Zemo should expect that Bucky's going to order trash either way.

The other mall is only a short drive away and thankfully Zemo doesn't spend the entire drive trying to distract Bucky. It also has a JCPenney but a few different stores, so they don't have to see the same or similar things twice.

"Okay, okay," Bucky discourages gently with something that sounds suspiciously like a giggle. "We can't make out while I'm driving."

"I do." It's maybe a bit silly, but it's very... date-like and there's nothing wrong with ordering trash once in a while, Zemo supposes.

And the mall gives them a chance to pick up a blanket or two to share while they watch their movies, too.

"I suppose not." There's an exaggerated sigh at Bucky's protests, followed by a bit of a laugh as Zemo relents, lets Bucky drive in peace without distracting kisses. "And I don't want to wreck by distracting you with anything else I could content my mouth with..."

Although when they're out of the car, Zemo may be... taking a bit more advantage of his current state, taking Bucky's hand to hold like any other married couple out there. It's really Bucky's fault for encouraging it and not considering that Zemo is a bit shameless. "You need new clothes. And we really should replace that phone of yours... perhaps with something a little more modern, even."

That would be a terrible way to go, wouldn't it? And it'd be all Zemo's fault.

Bucky gives Zemo's hand a light squeeze. It feels a little strange - they don't really hold hands, and on the few occasions they do touch, they don't fit together like this - but after a couple of experimental angles, they seem to fit together alright.

"Why do I need new clothes?" he asks with a raised eyebrow. "Apart from the fact that you like to dress me up..."

And is a modern phone going to be a good idea? It just makes him easier to track if somebody really puts their mind to finding him. Besides, the battery will be flat half the time. He barely remembered to charge his old one. He also knows very little about keeping himself safe online which might come around to bite them in the ass later.

"I like the clicky buttons..."

Why would it be all Zemo's fault? Surely Bucky would hold some of the responsibility here.

"Because you should have more than three outfits," Zemo declares. He knows Bucky wants to be able to travel light, but they are settled for the present and foreseeable future. Surely he can make some exceptions? "And you look nice dressed up."

There's a roll of his eyes as he looks back at Bucky's protest. He'd push more, insist on a more modern phone, but Bucky has been very considerate and pliant today. Maybe Zemo can give on his one. "Fine, we will find one with clicky buttons."

They should have some -- likely intended for the elderly, but ah well.

It's been a very long time since he's walked hand-in-hand with another person. It's a bit of a novelty now -- one that he's rather enjoying for the moment, even if it isn't something that is typical for them. "Is there anything else you would like to look at while we're here?"

They do, at least, have a small place to get coffee inside -- which Zemo already seems to be eyeing for later.

"I have more than three outfits." He has one whole fancy suit. T-shirt and jeans. Long sleeve shirt and khakis. And...

And. Does. Shirtless and boxer briefs count? It'll be five with the swimming trunks...

"I'm sure the mobile shop will have one. Otherwise there's plenty of hunting and fishing stores." It's still in use by people who frequently go out into the wilderness, considering they won't get a good enough signal for a smartphone and they'll have trouble finding opportunities and places to charge it.

"I'm alright," he insists, keeping his left hand in his pocket while holding onto Zemo's in his right. "I was just thinking of something for Steve, and Oeznik." Steve is easier to shop for. He'd likely love to rip into a catnip toy, and it's probably time for a proper scratching post. A cat bed's probably a bad idea, if nothing else because it will just become Bucky's pillow when he wants to sleep on the floor and Steve will never roost in it.

Oeznik's a little harder to shop for, but Zemo is probably better at buying things for the old man.

Shirtless and boxer briefs isn't an outfit...

But the mention of Bucky wanting to get things for their other two housemates certainly earns a bit of a smile. "We can do that."

Steve would probably enjoy a proper cat tree to play on -- and maybe that would deter him from taking his boredom out on any pieces of unfortunate furniture.

Oeznik -- well, Zemo can think of a few things the old man may find enjoyable. New books, perhaps. Something gourmet and expensive from one of the candy shops or a proper bottle of wine, perhaps. They'll find something to offset any potential horror of the boardshorts.

... And the shock at seeing how Zemo currently looks later. "With any luck, Oeznik can handle seeing our current predicament... It would be terrible to give too bad of a shock to his system."

That's his pajamas. It counts as an outfit.

Bucky was just thinking of a small little scratching post, but maybe Zemo's going to go all out with a full setup that even looks like a tree in the corner of the sun room with various platforms and enclosures to make Steve more comfortable. In more or less the same way that Bucky wanted to buy Oeznik four pillows.

"Well I-- could warn him first that something's happened to you... but he might think it's a lot worse than this." Maybe it is better to just rip off the band-aid and walk into the kitchen together like this. It's not like either of them have an explanation for what's happened - they're just. Trying to deal with it in their own way.

Of course Zemo is going to go all out -- doesn't he always? And as much as he complains about Steve, he doesn't seem to mind spoiling him a bit at all, or allowing the menace into his bed when he wants to be.

He wrinkles his nose at the offer and shakes his head. "I'm sure if you tell him that, he'll be expecting me to walk in without a limb or something."

On the other hand-- "It may ease his worry to see that isn't the case, at least."

But no, neither of them have an explanation or a clear plan of action yet. There's no possible way he can avoid Oeznik for days without the old man growing suspicious. He huffs out a sigh. "But either way, he's going to be startled. We certainly were."

A case could be made that they spoil Steve more than Bucky does, despite how much Bucky seems to enjoy rolling around on the floor, carrying Steve around, giving him belly rubs and food from the dinner table. Not that Zemo needs to be jealous, since he gets almost as many smiles and chuckles out of Bucky these days as Steve does.

"Maybe we could find something for him and you could give it to him personally and. Just talk about it. If he wants to talk." Maybe they'll both be wrong and Oeznik will just take one look at Zemo and take it all in his stride. And make it seem like Bucky and Zemo are the ones overreacting to this.

Who knows, maybe Oeznik will throw a bigger shitfit over the boardshorts with the hibiscus on the side than Zemo walking into the kitchen looking like this without any explanation whatsoever.

It's possible he won't show much of a reaction at all, or he'll give Zemo that subtle shaming talk of being reckless the way only a person who has practically raised you can really accomplish. But that's a worry for later. Right now? Right now, Zemo is leading the way to shops that catch his interest or seem as if they'll have what they're looking for.

Pet shop first, then a few other places to round out their list. It's been a very long time since they've gone out properly shopping, and even longer since Zemo hasn't had to double check that any look that seems to linger too long isn't going to be an issue down the road.

Well, at least for himself. Bucky could still draw some rather unwanted attention. Wouldn't it be terribly awkward if Sam were to show up like this? Part of Zemo wonders if he'd fall for an American accent and some very uncharacteristic giggling and go on his way.

He'd rather not test that one out though. "We should get a coffee before we go as well..."

Of course, Zemo wants to get the real tree into the sun room with a built in scratching post, and Bucky's not going to complain about giving Steve something more realistic to perch in. Steve will probably annoy him the whole time he's trying to assemble it, but maybe he'll take to it more than he will to the bespoke furniture that Oeznik keeps having to chase him off of.

"Yeah we can have coffee there." Yes, they still run the risk of Bucky getting recognised, but in an independently owned cafe in Wyoming with a hundred different types of beans sitting at the same table as a brunette lady friend? Even Sam would think that it was a case of mistaken identity and not bother coming out this far to see for himself.

"You're going to miss this," Bucky points out quietly with a small smile. He can see Zemo getting comfortable already, the way other people started noticing when Bucky started getting comfortable outside in crowds when he was still more Winter Soldier than just Bucky.

Of course the cat tree has to be aesthetically pleasing. Oeznik would frown too much if they bought something that wasn't -- and Steve will likely enjoy this more anyway. He's rather used to being outside before they took him in.

And Zemo's rather enjoying the coffee shop. It smells nice, there are only a few others around, and-- well, it should be relatively private while they drink. The comment has him looking over though, thoughtful. "Perhaps a bit, but-- I knew when I set out, what sort of life I was making for myself."

And it wasn't going to be a peaceful one in any sense of the word. "You'll miss a doting wife, won't you?"

"I'll miss doing this, with you." Which is not sidestepping the question, per se, but he doesn't want Zemo to feel like this is absolutely the best thing to have happened to him and they should strive to maintain this new normal. Much as it provides a few trappings they could easily get caught up in.

"Every time we make a trip to Walmart I'd be watching everyone in the vicinity, trying to shield you from any raised phones pointed our way, eavesdropping to make sure nobody's talking about me, or you. I can't even buy a gallon of milk without being paranoid and it's exhausting," he admits quietly.

"We can just have coffee here and talk and. Do stuff." He's referring to disgustingly wholesome husband and wife stuff, not butt stuff. "And nobody cares."

He may not be intentionally trying to make Zemo feel like that, but -- he vaguely does anyway. Or at least feels guilty in a way he doesn't usually stop to allow himself when Bucky says it's exhausting. It is. Of course it is. As much as they want to settle down and be left alone for a bit, there's always the risk they may not be allowed it for long.

"We can," he agrees after a moment.

... Although he would absolutely still do butt stuff as well, but he's rather sure that's not what Bucky is referring to. "It has its perks, being like this."

Strange as it is.

This is why Bucky doesn't talk. People feel bad when he does, even when he doesn't want them to. And he doesn't mean just Zemo or Oeznik when he says 'people' - it's usually everyone, in some way.

"We'll see what tomorrow brings." Bucky tries an encouraging smile on for size. He doesn't want to say he's hoping things will turn out one way or another. Honestly, he doesn't know if he has much of a preference, beyond Zemo getting what he's comfortable with. All he's familiar with is having good days and bad days, and he can only hope that tomorrow will be an even better day than what they've already had so far.

"Is anything else different?" Obviously there's different body parts, different clothes and all that, but Bucky's more wondering if there's anything unexpected. Like if the coffee somehow tastes different.

He doesn't feel bad. It's just a confusing situation -- and Zemo truly doesn't do well with not having any answers or easy solutions. Still, he manages a bit of a smile at the encouragement and nods his head.

"Of course." And hopefully, it brings a little clarity at the very least.

"Mm?" He pauses at that, tilting his head to look down at his own hands thoughtfully. "I still feel like myself, for the most part. I think I am still discovering differences."

A pause. "I have no idea what to expect with anything, really. Do I seem any different to you?"

"You seem different." But Bucky's not sure how to explain that difference. It's not just a physical thing. Those differences are more obvious and easy to pick up on. He's definitely not commenting on the sexy thing even if Zemo's found some new and interesting ways to get Bucky to blush already.

"Maybe you're just. A little more relaxed," Bucky dismisses with a small tight-lipped smile before he finishes the rest of his coffee and sets his empty cup down, licking and chewing on his lips. "Or maybe it's just enough time's passed since I sliced my hand open that you're not fussing anymore," he jokes self-depreciatingly.

Come to think of it, he's been having more and more dreamless nights, spoon or no spoon, and he's not sure if it can be wholly attributed to some kind of healing process.

"Relaxing and taking it easy are a good look on you." It might sound a little hypocritical, perhaps, but he's never had such lofty goals for himself.

"Yes, well--" Zemo gives a shrug of his shoulders before he reaches across the table to brush his fingertips over the bandage. "Do try to avoid doing that again and I won't have to fuss."

Or have to redo stitches again. Lesson learned about keeping his hands to himself in tiny little beds, at least.

"Those are things we typically can't afford to do often... outside of our home at least." Relaxing, taking anything easy. He's only able to relax a bit at the moment because he's rather sure no one is looking at him and seeing Zemo.

There's a teasing smile that graces his lips as he puts his coffee aside, empty now. "Earlier, you called me Helmut."

"It's almost healed." And it was nice, once the failed attempt at getting clothes off and down to business resulted in honeymoonesque cuddles with Zemo clinging onto him leeching his warmth out of his back. Equally nice, although Bucky would insist it's weird, is Zemo trying to kiss his hand better. Nobody's really done that - well, maybe not for a hundred years, and he wouldn't even really be exaggerating.

He's not sure if Zemo was trying his luck to see if it would push Bucky's buttons to plant kisses on every scar. It certainly told Zemo which ones to avoid if the way Bucky flinched was anything to go by. But for the most part Bucky had tolerated it and he's slowly been trained out of glaring and into even welcoming the attention, moving his head out of the way to let Zemo access some of them while getting rewarded by splayed-fingers belly rubs and soothing blunt-nailed scratches.

"Did I?" It had flowed so naturally he didn't even notice. It certainly wasn't intentional on his part - he's not a deliberate button-pusher or boundary-tester. Bucky leans in a little closer, tilting his head a bit, a testament to how much time he's spent with Zemo. "Did it feel weird?"

It had been a nice night, once the excitement was over. There were no glares or pushing or complaints, just Bucky subtly pressing back against him, tangling in closer and welcoming him in. For all Zemo's complaints about the isolation, he had to admit there were some... very nice moments in there as well. Ones he would not have traded.

And it's certainly nice, the way that Bucky welcomes him in. They've come a very long way from their first night where Zemo had found himself shoved face down into the mattress and unsure whether Bucky was trying to break him or punish him for the suggestion, or whether it had all been base instincts.

"Not at all." He had been the one to suggest Bucky not be shy about his first name after all, and he can't fault him for using it. "For a moment, it almost felt like I was in another life... one that I thought was gone when Sokovia fell."

That casual intimacy of someone calling him Helmut while they explained their day away, or Oeznik's quirks as the case may be. "There is something... dehumanizing about solitary confinement."

He's also rather certain Bucky understands all of that, on some level, even if their circumstances were different. "The guards who did come to deliver my food or take me for my showers looked at me like an animal, certainly didn't appreciate my attempts at conversation."

There's a wry smile. "It is nice to be treated as a person again, I suppose. Not simply a criminal. Or perhaps I just simply enjoy your company that much."

Bucky just nods and lowers his gaze. He's had Steve's friends come into his life in recent years, with whom he could get a coffee and just talk if he felt inclined to talk, and he'd just be 'Bucky' to them. Bucky, the out of place, out of time vet, with all his human struggles and crippling guilt. It wasn't like his time in Hydra, where he was just 'soldat' if he was spoken to. One of many soldiers, and not really amounting to anything else. And nobody was expecting him to talk, either.

He had never begged, but he had starved, and he had been kicked while he was down, and he had whimpered. Well they hosed him down and beat the whimpering out of him too, but even when they'd finally broken him in just the way they wanted him, suggestible and mercurially docile and violent and eager to please, they never gave him the validation of being anything more than their soldier.

So, he understands, that kind of objectification and the loneliness, the craving and yearning for that kind of validation. What the damaged heart wants is a simple thing - to be Bucky or Helmut to be somebody. Sometimes, anybody.

"You are." More than just the ugly, demonised thing everyone is projecting onto him. And Bucky feels inadequate, being the one to give Zemo that lifeline out of a very private, very personal, very internalised hell when there are Those Mornings he can't even get his own shit together.

But it seems that for now, he might be the only one who can be here for Zemo. And he wants to be. So Zemo will just have to settle for what damaged, refurbished goods he has sitting in front of him.

"I'll call you anything you like. For as long as you need to hear it," Bucky promises quietly.

Zemo knows full and well what he is, and what he willingly became. He's-- tried to do the necessary things, the right things for the best ending. But right and necessary don't always mean good. He's never taken joy in blood shedding or torture or murder, but that hardly means he didn't do those things.

He can't even say there isn't a bit of guilt over King T'Chaka. It hadn't quite been intentional, even if he'd known there would likely be casualties in his seeking revenge. He can't say there isn't a bit of guilt over using Bucky either, even if it hadn't been personal on his end.

But here he is, sitting across from that very man, with shared rings on their fingers, and feeling... almost hopeful. Certainly charmed. And for right now? Zemo isn't going to let paranoia that Bucky is only doing this because of his current body ruin a very nice thing. Instead, he slides to his feet and leans in to steal a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth before he slides his hand back into Bucky's to give a tug. "You're making it very difficult to not want to drag you somewhere very private, James."

... And not simply for sex -- something Zemo isn't entirely certain of in this body, despite all teasing otherwise. But it is a bit undignified to hang over each other in public like he's tempted to do, he supposes. "Come on. We should go finish what we need to do."

Somewhere very private where he can be showered with nice things, right? Nothing sexual at all, of course. He wouldn't complain about that. They're surely too puritanical to fumble around strange new body parts and try to bone each other in the backseat. Bucky gets to his feet and picks up the flat packed cat tree on his way out of the comfy seat, stumbling along where Zemo's taking him.

"Yeah. Something for Oeznik," after they get the bill for their coffee. Multiple things for Oeznik, if they come across multiple things. Once they're out of the cafe, it's Bucky's turn to tug Zemo along past the watch store.

"No, Helmut, you have like a hundred watches." Nevermind that all he has is men's watches that you can read the dial from if you're having a cup of decaf on the international space station, and nothing more feminine, and no jewellery either.

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