Bucky leans into the touch, enjoying the feel of blunt nails scratching through his five o'clock shadow. He's got the stare and the dead look in his eyes but he's not sure he can pull off a villain moustache. Maybe just a magnificent terrorist beard. He'd he more comfortable with that.
"Later?" he asks somewhat incredulously. They're not just going to sit in the hot tub, keep their hands to themselves and retire gracefully to his and her side of the bed once they've soaked long enough?
"I don't know what old times you're talking about... You do seem more energetic than usual," he observes quietly, teasingly, giving Zemo a light nudge. He can't be convinced that Zemo and Oeznik don't like Steve. He's seen them feeding and scratching the beast... Not unlike the way Zemo scratches his jaw, either. Apparently that's the fast and surefire easy way to get Steve and Bucky to relax.
"You survived Sokovia. I don't think it's for any reason other than not being at the wrong place at the right time. I don't know what your family would have wanted for you, either. But I don't want you to just-- throw this away. And Oeznik doesn't, either." He has to hope that even if Zemo gets caught, he won't just. Give up and restart the clock. Bucky is willing to fight for him. Make a case, grovel and plead, throw punches and make promises he doesn't want to make if he has to. But it's important to him that Zemo wants to fight for it too.
"You know, physically, I am older than you." Pushing into forties now, after his time in Berlin after the snap and the world went even darker. He wrinkles his nose.
"And yet, you act like the old man, scandalized by the thought of being intimate more than once." There's an exaggerated sigh, followed by a soft laugh at the nudging. Perhaps Zemo is in a far better mood than he had thought he'd have been in this morning. Perhaps that is largely because of Bucky humoring him, or getting to taste freedom for one day.
"You don't mind it." Zemo being energetic, that is, or the fact that Zemo may spoil Steve a bit when no one is looking... or invite the cat into bed when Bucky has decided he'd rather have the floor.
Although the amusement dies down a bit, the teasing note leaves his voice as he watches the screen for a few more moments, considering that. "I don't intend to throw anything away, James. I am... enjoying this time."
He's quiet a moment longer, not quite wanting to... bring up the topic that always seems to put Bucky on edge. But it can't quite be helped. "Oeznik says you do not do well when I am not around, you know. He says you stop sleeping in the bed, stop eating properly..."
Reverts back to less appropriate coping methods, it seems. "I worry. Unless I do stay like this, it is almost inevitable that I will end up back in a cage or worse... and while I have almost always gotten what I have wanted, I do not think I could talk or trick my way out of my punishment again."
"I'm not scandalised. I am old. I'm more than twice your age. But that has nothing to do with-- intimacy things," Bucky insists. Although today, the both of them are a little less irritable. Maybe it's Zemo being more comfortable in his new skin out in the open and being free to enjoy all the perks of not being recognised. Maybe it's Bucky indulging him, or trying to do the same. Even if he will be recognised, they haven't plastered his face all over the news saying he's on the run with his terrorist husband and all his old friends are looking for him. Any illusion that they're not currently together must have been shattered when their names showed up on some marriage register in Vegas. He's not sure whether they think there's still hope for him to just show up and turn Zemo in, or maybe they think it's some kind of trap and are just keeping their distance for now.
"I had a nightmare and-- didn't really. Wasn't in the mood to try. His dumplings..." Bucky lies, flinching and gripping onto Zemo a little tighter. Oeznik has no trouble calling him out and he's used to it by now, he'd never try talking his way out of trouble with Oeznik, but usually Zemo doesn't and lets Bucky get away with the occasional backslide.
"I got you out once. I can do it again," Bucky insists. "I'm not letting them take you away. I won't." Fingers dig into the soft throw until his knuckles turn white.
One of Zemo's hands smooths down Bucky's arm as it tightens around him. "James..."
They won't let him. They'll make sure Zemo is locked away, watched even closer... they surely won't let Bucky come for any sort of visit. He doesn't point that out though. There's a smile instead as his fingertips continue to rub over Bucky's arm, trying to coax him to relax.
"You're a very stubborn man." There's a soft laugh, even if it doesn't sound particularly humorous. "I will try not to be found."
Bucky is still living in some fantasy land where he's convinced himself that maybe everything won't be fine and they'll get caught - one slipup, one camera shot, one wedding, one international incident the same way Zemo flushed him out - but somehow everything will work out. Somehow he'll know what to say - somehow somebody will listen to him. Somehow things will just not go to shits when the time comes.
He has to believe it, or what are they doing all this for? They might as well just turn themselves in and save themselves the twisting, sinking heartache of being alone, isolated, censured again.
"We'll be okay here." Bucky nuzzles again, relaxing his grip, tugging on corners of the throw to make sure Zemo is covered properly. He's keen to sit up a bit and look for Zemo's clothes, but Zemo is snuggled in so close that he's hesitant to upset this balance.
Zemo has certainly considered it -- turning himself in, or running away because what is the point of this? One day, it will end, painfully. But then perhaps it's not so bad, making a few more good memories before the bad ones inevitably come back.
It's easy to see why he stays, when he's got Bucky wrapped around him and they're quietly watching a movie they've not really been paying attention to. "Mhm..."
They will deal with it, one way or another.
"In the meantime, if you could have anything, James... what would you want most right now?"
That's a difficult question, and honestly not one that could ever feasibly work out. Half the time he doesn't know what he wants, but if he gives it any thought, it either involves dead people, people he can't see anymore or places he can't go back to without risking this arrangement they have.
And if he's really being honest, sometimes he just wishes he could go back to the train, the way Steve could go back to the love of his life, and just. Make sure he doesn't survive the fall, so that nothing that's happened because of him since would ever transpire. But he's pretty certain Zemo doesn't want to hear that, either.
Taking in a deep breath, he breathes out a sigh and shrugs. "I just want everyone to just stop trying to kill us and leave us alone." He's finished with all this. He's pretty sure Zemo is finished too. "I think we're both pretty tired of all this."
"Mmmh." He's rather sure that's not the only thing Bucky could want, but he nods in agreement. That would be-- nice. Very nice. No more looking over their shoulders, actually getting to just stop and make some sort of life for themselves like they're doing here.
Like today has felt.
He shifts a little bit, goes to sit up ass he reaches for his discarded clothes. "I should get dressed. It would be rather inappropriate if someone looked over and saw."
Today has arguably been the most honeymoon day they've had since they got married. For as much as he loved the Alps, Zemo had been a little restless and seemed to be nursing some regrets that Bucky tried not to take personally while they were there. And then, you know, medical emergency, kind of put a damper on things. Bucky's a little despondent about the day inching closer and closer to being over.
"Okay," he agrees quietly, moving to sit up next to Zemo and offering wordlessly to help by turning a discarded piece of clothing the right side out again and gathering it up in his hands for easy wearing. It is probably starting to get a little cold, even though they've been snuggling in the car and he's kept the doors closed and the air conditioner off.
"I'm taking everything off again when you get in the hot tub." Let it not be said that Bucky is not enthusiastic about non-butt stuff. "You feel a little different... I want to spend some time casing you out." If that's not paranoia, who would know what is?
It's a little sad, it's true. The day is ending down and even if it's not the alps or Vegas or any number of other lavish locations they've been, it's one that Zemo direct want to see end. It's been... simple. They don't get simple often.
And it seems that they've reached at least some sort of decision about this marriage of theirs that is letting them both be cautiously hopeful. Happy, or as near to it as they will get.
Zemo huffs out a laugh at the declaration. "Ah, so you mean we won't just cuddle?"
It's flattering in a way. Bucky could be far too skittish to touch him like this, put off. Something. "I think you will like the swimsuit I chose, even if it ends up on the ground sooner rather than later."
There's a grin that graces his lips briefly after he's mostly managed to right himself. "But by all means, feel free to do all the casing you need. Wouldn't want you to miss something important."
If by cuddle he means giving Bucky a rough shove and a hard smack for latching onto him and slowly falling asleep in all that hot water, without giving Zemo the attention he wants, then sure, there will be cuddling. Bucky's probably the only one who would prefer to sit in less than lukewarm water. The heat will just make him whimper.
"What did you choose?" Is it something skimpy? Don't ask him why he assumes that. It's just-- Zemo had been so keen to cover himself up just the once, this morning. After that he seems to have gotten more and more comfortable with... his predicament.
Bucky has only seemed to have gotten more handsy since. More willing to be affectionate in public and in private. More open to touching and talking and being touched back, letting Zemo touch his metal arm and run his fingertips over those scale-like plates, and just the little things he doesn't do, like stroking Zemo's thigh while he's thinking and talking. It's a kind of obliviousness on a whole other level that he can't see how he's acting different.
Maybe he loves the tits. Or maybe he just has very strange ideas of how men are supposed to interact, and he doesn't let himself get affectionate because it's not what men do with each other, because he assumes Zemo doesn't want or wouldn't welcome this.
There will most certainly be smacking involved if Bucky falls asleep on him. Now is hardly the time for sleep -- and maybe Zemo is a bit afraid of what he'll wake up as tomorrow, what will have changed. If he turns into a cat or a blob or whatever else...
And it isn't as if he's missed the-- affection either. Or the willingness to be more so. Zemo hasn't been swatted away or given uncomfortable side glances. He can't decide it's nice -- well, no, it has certainly been nice. Bucky taking initiative on touching, or flirting more.
Maybe just the talking more, the little sweet promises he doesn't hear often or the other ways Bucky has talked that he isn't generally inclined... Maybe that has all been very nice, but very unexpected.
And Zemo isn't sure quite what it means, or what to do if it all goes away again if he's put back to normal.
"Oh, you will have to wait and see, James." It's probably not as skimpy as Bucky is thinking -- no more than how the majority of bathing suits tend to be. Zemo has always been inclined towards layers of clothes and now isn't much different, even if he was willing to share more with Bucky, specifically.
Clothes fixed, hair patted into place as much as Zemo can manage, he shifts back into Bucky's side with a soft sigh.
"You know, you usually do not announce when you are intending on undressing me," he points out after a moment, keeping any accusations out of his tone. Instead, there's just curiosity for now. It isn't as if they aren't-- often inspiring Oeznik to invest in earplugs or sending them off by themselves, but it seems... different, at the moment. Perhaps Bucky truly does enjoy his new body and its... attributes.
Well if he turns into a cat then Steve would have company and luckily, the cat tree will be set up in the sun room by then for him to perch in and enjoy. But Bucky is not really expecting anything either. Zemo could wake up like this or in his old body and at this point, with the aliens and the magic and the timey wimey, honestly nothing would faze him. Bucky could wake up next to a dragon tomorrow and just go back to sleep.
Despite letting him indulge, or even encourage Bucky's overbearing protectiveness, at some point when he's got Bucky's heavy arm draped over him holding him in this consensual spooning, all this power might get to Zemo's head, and he probably will need to set some ground rules if he wants to wean his Soldier off him and make this... marriage a little less dysfunctional and codependent.
For now, Bucky seems content to watch some running, shooting, explosions, swerving car chases and frantic phone calls while petting Zemo's hair, chewing on his bottom lip before turning to look at him. He tips his head in a way that most definitely would have his old friends accusing him of spending far too much time with Zemo.
"You'd-- rather I didn't?" Why did Bucky announce his intentions? It had seemed only natural the time... "I don't-- I'm not that kind of man. And you're-- I mean... you'd tell me if you didn't want me to. And I'd leave you alone." He wouldn't just go tearing swimsuits off a woman, is what he means. But Zemo isn't a woman. Well, he is right now, in flesh only so to speak, but. You know.
Bucky averts his gaze. He wouldn't go tearing swimsuits off other guys either. That's weird, to him. Well with Zemo he might, but Zemo might do it to him too, and they're rough, and they don't really talk about it, even when there's bruises afterwards and they probably should have said something. And Bucky's not sure he can articulate why it's different now, but it is different. A part of him is more worried about hurting Zemo physically or emotionally like this than when he's in his usual body.
Co-dependence had never been something Zemo had been worried about happening necessarily but now it... seems to be the case. With Bucky unwilling to let go, and Zemo resolutely not wanting to experience anything similar to the losses he's had over and over again. it's something that needs to be worked on, something they should strive to get to a healthier balance.
But right now, all Zemo wants to do is curl up into Bucky's side and watch some mindless film across the screen, and pretend his world isn't unbearably... large now. Aliens and magic and things he'd rather not deal with at all, or see anyone deal with. It's hard to not blame superheroes or mad icons for bringing this on the world. Perhaps it was inevitable though, something neither he nor anyone else could have changed the course of.
It's just feeling a little weightier than usual when he's currently afflicted with-- whatever is happening here, and trying to navigate his own feelings about it. Maybe it's simply easier to dissect Bucky's reactions and sentiments. Maybe that's why his mind keeps drifting, or maybe it's simple paranoia.
There's a wry smile at the fumbled out question. "Would I rather my husband not show interest in me? Of course not. It's... nice, James. Flattering."
It's just also a bit on the unusual, jarring side of things compared to the normal, and it feeds into paranoia that he is trying to keep tamed at least. "I know you'd stop if I asked."
It isn't as if Bucky hasn't gotten upset with him before for not speaking up when rough has slid over the line to painful before. He knows well enough that at his base, Bucky is not the monster that either of them may have thought initially years ago. Particularly when it comes to choices being taken away, it seems something he detests to do. No, Zemo knows full and well Bucky would stop if he asked. That isn't the issue. But things are certainly different now, in ways Zemo can't help but notice. Maybe they passed by his attention before. He'd never seen Bucky interact with a woman this way before -- not that he is a woman, despite his body.
"I was only making an observation. You're very rarely vocal about when you want me, that is all." Well, not counting when they're in the middle of the act. He can be rather vocal then when Zemo seems to be doing the right things.
The only people Bucky has interacted with are the people affiliated with the Avengers, or SHIELD, HYDRA, various handlers, maybe the occasional talking raccoon or sentient tree. The only one who's seen Bucky 80 years ago in a dance hall or at a party surrounded by laughing girls is Steve. And even then, Bucky is not that guy anymore.
"You mean I'm rarely vocal about anything," Bucky remarks, glancing over before letting his gaze slide back to the screen. Oeznik might beg to differ on those particularly 'sleepless nights' but he also knows that Bucky can fall into an unsettling, prolonged silence that is typical of anyone who's spent too much time alone even if he hasn't bore witness to those weeklong stints of wordless self-neglect in isolation. For as annoying as there is to have the village idiot hovering in the kitchen like a persistent fly, Oeznik would rather Bucky be there and show some interest in food than not coming out of a locked room for days and trying to gently talk to him through the door.
A part of Bucky doesn't know what he wants, and that'll likely remain the case for a while. But a part of him is also afraid that once he's made up his mind and said what he wants out loud, it'll get taken away from him. Nobody feels dejected or gets disappointed if he doesn't say anything.
"You also very rarely need the reassurance." Zemo's usually confident about everything - about himself. Bucky's not saying that this wouldn't throw him for a loop - it would mess with anyone - but he figures if he can help Zemo take things in his stride then this is the least he can do. But if Zemo thinks he's acting a little weird then he supposes he can just stop and fall back into his normal kind of distantly quiet, perpetually irritated, glaring and scowling demeanour. Sad as it is to admit, it is a comfortable and natural state of being for him.
There's a subtle shrug at that remark, deciding against pointing out it's not quite anything to do with confidence or needing reassurance. It can be for fun, as well. Harmless flirting or teasing. Sometimes, it isn't so bad to be able to talk about-- those more intimate things.
But they've done quite a bit of talking today, tonight... there's enough to roll around his mind about many things the rest of the night when he's trying to fend off sleep lest he wake up in some other odd predicament. Maybe he should give Bucky a bit of a break.
"... We should get back in the front. The movie will be over soon." He leans in to press a quick kiss to Bucky's cheek before he reluctantly shifts away to climb back over again.
"And I was not criticizing, James. Today has been a good look on you, is all." ... Regressing isn't quite what Zemo wanted either, but that seems an argument for later.
Bucky could climb over in between the seats like Zemo, but, you know, he's worried he'll get stuck, and he might break something, so he has to tidy up his attire and do the walk of shame from the back seat to the front seat, try to ignore any looks cast his way. Thankfully everyone is just focused on the movie.
While he wouldn't say he was being particularly overtly defensive, he's not sure why he felt the need to defend himself either. Maybe just Zemo pointing out the occasional thing here and there makes him more self-conscious about these things.
"Yeah? I'd say the same, but you might get the wrong idea." That Bucky cares about what Zemo had looked like yesterday, is looking like today, or will look like tomorrow. On some unconscious level he cares to be a little bit more of a gentleman or he might return to monkey but he'll still go to sleep in the same room as a cat, blob or humanoid-shaped Zemo, even if he won't always make it all the way into the bed.
"We still have a backseat load of snacks..." And Bucky would eat them, but you know, he's driving now, and he doubts Zemo would appreciate fluorescent orange smears on his steering wheel.
It isn't Zemo's fault if Bucky never has fun -- Zemo's found plenty of ways to amuse himself. Even when it's ended up with a hand at his throat and death threats, he's still found some morbid sense of amusement here and there. And the affection today hasn't been all that bed either, of course, or the time spent just enjoying each other's company.
"Well, more for home, then." He shrugs his shoulders, lips curling up slightly. "Unless Oeznik refuses to allow you to add any more, of course. But hopefully all of the gifts will put him in a very good mood."
The watch should, at least. Maybe the boardshorts will get an amused chuckle out of the old man, even if Zemo isn't sure he will actually wear them where any can see. "At least he should not send us away on another honeymoon."
'Honeymoon'. He's still rather certain that was a bit of a punishment for his actions that night, being alone and isolated. But at least it had not been all bad, and he hadn't truly been alone.
"I don't have that many..." Bucky says quietly with a small frown. He's only taking up a half shelf. He will never hear the end of it from Oeznik, how he refuses proper meals but will eat gummy snakes, doritos, pringles, hot pockets... He can't even sneak snacks into his room without Oeznik somehow knowing and bringing his stash into the pantry to force him to leave the room. Bucky's not sure he wants to risk the old man's wrath by taking his snacks out of the car.
"It was nice." Bucky was oblivious to any unkind intentions Oeznik might have had. If anything, Oeznik might have wanted to give Bucky some respite from Vegas. "You really have places in the middle of nowhere. You didn't have a good time?"
He did notice there were a few times Zemo might have been a little bored, but he was busy plodding around in the snow and looking out over the view and cutting his hand open.
"I never said that. There were very good moments," he answers, and it's honest. There were some nice little moments with Bucky before he managed to cut his hand open -- and even the night spent huddled together in the clinic had not been all bad. He doesn't want Bucky to think there hadn't been... any enjoyment at all.
"It reminds me, sometimes, of Berlin. The isolation, the lack of stimulation and distractions. It makes it so much easier for old ghosts to return," he admits after a moment. He knows that Bucky insists being unconscious during one's captivity hadn't been much better, but part of him still disagrees. He'd have rather slept.
"But you seemed to enjoy it quite a bit... It doesn't unnerve you at all, being so removed from everything?"
Bucky can understand, not liking that isolation, being in this box with an untold number of people watching, feeling like an animal in a cage and people too afraid to even talk to you. The Alps were different though. It didn't feel like Siberia, a few visual similarities aside.
"No. There was no one else for miles. It felt safe." And not safe like nobody would come looking for them up there in their warm little cabin, but safe like it was the kind of space he could take his time to work through some of the mess inside his head and no one would rush him through anything. He could snap and there wouldn't be anyone around who could get hurt - other than Zemo.
"A little inconvenient, but. It's how I hoped I would get to live the rest of my days. Just-- alone and quiet and. No... Witchcraft or sentient robots or genocidal aliens, military or politicians." Bucky sighs and lowers his gaze, wringing his hands in his lap, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knows how old he sounds saying how much life was easier 80 years ago. But he didn't have to think about all these things back then.
"I mean. Here I have to worry about getting recognised or. Not meeting expectations. People getting hurt. I don't know. Over there I-- felt free."
"Safe." He supposes. In many ways, it would be safer than where they are now -- another reason Oeznik likely chose that destination, beyond frustration or wanting to give Bucky a break from Vegas. There's no real reason to reiterate how he feels about all of that either, how much he'd rather there weren't aliens or superheroes or anything so big. Bigger than humanity, a danger and a threat that most could not hope to stand against.
No, instead he just reaches across the seat to rest a hand over one of Bucky's. He understands it. Wanting to just-- stop. It's quite a life to be entrenched in for so long. You make enemies, you can never quite truly relax. Add on the fact that they are likely very wanted men at this point...
It is exhausting after a point.
"Would you like it if we found a small place there? Not to live at permanently, of course, but one we could return to on occasion." As much as Zemo's skin crawls at that sort of isolation after so many years of it--
Well, never let it be said he's an inconsiderate spouse, or that he can't be generous when he wants to be. "Or-- you could go alone on occasion, if that's what you need. Or live there permanently, but only if the worse happens to me, of course. And only if you promise to venture out occasionally. You'll go mad in that sort of isolation, James, however nice it may feel."
Honestly he'd expected to be berated a bit for basically wanting to shirk his responsibilities and not necessarily stick his head in the sand, but not get too involved either. It's not the right thing to do, when adversities come and he's alone on his mountain having a cup of coffee looking at snowcapped mountains while the rest of the world burns. It's not the-- American or Captain American or Steve Rogers thing to do.
But Steve got to save the world again and go back to get his girl. And Bucky isn't Steve. He's nowhere near redeemed himself enough to deserve his happily ever after in the Alps.
"I'm already mad," he points out softly, giving Zemo's hand a light squeeze.
"It'll be nice, to go back and stay." He doesn't want to say 'if something happens to you' because if he doesn't say it aloud then obviously it would never happen. "But I want to take care of Oeznik. He isn't getting any younger." If Oeznik is following him up there, that's fine. But if Oeznik wants to stay here, then Bucky's staying too.
"You're all I have left. The two of you." And the mangy old cat who's likely only going to be around for a few more years. "Alone time in the mountains can wait."
Bucky is not Captain America. He isn't Steve Rogers, who Zemo already has plenty of complicated feelings about. He isn't an icon, made to continue the sort of life his hero friends expect. Bucky also isn't an attack dog, to be dragged out when aliens are brought to their home or the next mad icon decides to destroy the world. If retiring is what Bucky wants, before he's too burnt out to do anything else, then Zemo can't deny him that.
... Although the irksome worry is frustrating. If he's ever gone, he'd rather... Bucky be out in the world. "Ah, well... you've certainly called me crazy as well. There are worse things we could be."
... Like terrorists, murderers. Hm.
"I would be grateful," Zemo admits, a warmer look coming to his face. "He has no family either. I-- do not like the thought of him being alone."
Of course Oeznik is perfectly capable, if that is the case. But Zemo can't say he doesn't worry about someone who has been in his life since he was a child, a constant. "I haven't any heirs left, no family to speak of beyond the two of you. Certainly no desire for more as a wanted man. Whatever I have is yours, James. You do with it as you want."
When he's gone, of course, but even now -- it isn't as if Zemo is terribly inclined to say no. "Your fate is not... sealed in the way mine is, James. I do believe there is still a place out there for you. A proper life."
And he'd rather see him pursue that than go hide, but it isn't so simple as giving a command or order, is it?
"Although I should be cross with you, James. I was prepared for you to kill me, the very minute I saw my name in that book of yours, and then you end up giving me reasons to live instead." It's rude, really.
"To the point I would be a liar if I said I did not have the desperate thought of staying this way if it means more time together, less worry." He won't, of course, but it is still something that has crossed his mind.
Funnily enough, if anyone's made him feel like an attack dog, Zemo is one of the last people on his mind. The Wakandans can do no wrong in his book, but they've made him feel more like a weaponisable object than Zemo has. He doesn't think he deserves his happily ever after just yet, but when the time comes, he's pretty sure solitude is what he would want.
"This is my proper life," Bucky insists. He's not sure that Zemo can see that, when he's living in all these hypotheticals, where this is just a temporary thing that he's expecting to be zapped from at any moment. It's not like Bucky doesn't spend his time here thinking he's going to wake up in a cryo chamber any minute now and this was all just an elaborate dream from time to time. That still doesn't stop him from putting in the effort, trying his best to make the most out of what he can.
"I can't make him stop worrying about you. But I don't want him to be alone, either. He's lost everything too." He's not saying this because he thinks he owes Zemo anything or because he's obligated to take care of Oeznik. He just wants to. Just like he wants to live this life, and not some fantasy Zemo made up about that retired assassin life running around in New York City doing-- what, exactly? A 9 to 5 job, finding another wife, arguing over takeout expenses?
"I've thought about dying, a lot of times." Sometimes multiple times in the same day, even if he doesn't say it aloud. "Whatever people say about the easy way out, what people deserve and all that, I don't know anything about it. All I know is, I don't want to do that anymore. A name in the book is just unfinished business, that's all." And, honestly, Bucky doesn't know how this particular business is going to finish. It's certainly put him in positions he couldn't imagine himself ever being in.
"I don't know if things are supposed to turn out this way. But I think we're doing better today than we were yesterday, and maybe that's all it is. At least, I know you want to be three steps ahead, but. Doing better today is enough for me..."
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"Later?" he asks somewhat incredulously. They're not just going to sit in the hot tub, keep their hands to themselves and retire gracefully to his and her side of the bed once they've soaked long enough?
"I don't know what old times you're talking about... You do seem more energetic than usual," he observes quietly, teasingly, giving Zemo a light nudge. He can't be convinced that Zemo and Oeznik don't like Steve. He's seen them feeding and scratching the beast... Not unlike the way Zemo scratches his jaw, either. Apparently that's the fast and surefire easy way to get Steve and Bucky to relax.
"You survived Sokovia. I don't think it's for any reason other than not being at the wrong place at the right time. I don't know what your family would have wanted for you, either. But I don't want you to just-- throw this away. And Oeznik doesn't, either." He has to hope that even if Zemo gets caught, he won't just. Give up and restart the clock. Bucky is willing to fight for him. Make a case, grovel and plead, throw punches and make promises he doesn't want to make if he has to. But it's important to him that Zemo wants to fight for it too.
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"And yet, you act like the old man, scandalized by the thought of being intimate more than once." There's an exaggerated sigh, followed by a soft laugh at the nudging. Perhaps Zemo is in a far better mood than he had thought he'd have been in this morning. Perhaps that is largely because of Bucky humoring him, or getting to taste freedom for one day.
"You don't mind it." Zemo being energetic, that is, or the fact that Zemo may spoil Steve a bit when no one is looking... or invite the cat into bed when Bucky has decided he'd rather have the floor.
Although the amusement dies down a bit, the teasing note leaves his voice as he watches the screen for a few more moments, considering that. "I don't intend to throw anything away, James. I am... enjoying this time."
He's quiet a moment longer, not quite wanting to... bring up the topic that always seems to put Bucky on edge. But it can't quite be helped. "Oeznik says you do not do well when I am not around, you know. He says you stop sleeping in the bed, stop eating properly..."
Reverts back to less appropriate coping methods, it seems. "I worry. Unless I do stay like this, it is almost inevitable that I will end up back in a cage or worse... and while I have almost always gotten what I have wanted, I do not think I could talk or trick my way out of my punishment again."
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"I had a nightmare and-- didn't really. Wasn't in the mood to try. His dumplings..." Bucky lies, flinching and gripping onto Zemo a little tighter. Oeznik has no trouble calling him out and he's used to it by now, he'd never try talking his way out of trouble with Oeznik, but usually Zemo doesn't and lets Bucky get away with the occasional backslide.
"I got you out once. I can do it again," Bucky insists. "I'm not letting them take you away. I won't." Fingers dig into the soft throw until his knuckles turn white.
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They won't let him. They'll make sure Zemo is locked away, watched even closer... they surely won't let Bucky come for any sort of visit. He doesn't point that out though. There's a smile instead as his fingertips continue to rub over Bucky's arm, trying to coax him to relax.
"You're a very stubborn man." There's a soft laugh, even if it doesn't sound particularly humorous. "I will try not to be found."
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He has to believe it, or what are they doing all this for? They might as well just turn themselves in and save themselves the twisting, sinking heartache of being alone, isolated, censured again.
"We'll be okay here." Bucky nuzzles again, relaxing his grip, tugging on corners of the throw to make sure Zemo is covered properly. He's keen to sit up a bit and look for Zemo's clothes, but Zemo is snuggled in so close that he's hesitant to upset this balance.
"Let's just. Deal with it when it happens..."
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It's easy to see why he stays, when he's got Bucky wrapped around him and they're quietly watching a movie they've not really been paying attention to. "Mhm..."
They will deal with it, one way or another.
"In the meantime, if you could have anything, James... what would you want most right now?"
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And if he's really being honest, sometimes he just wishes he could go back to the train, the way Steve could go back to the love of his life, and just. Make sure he doesn't survive the fall, so that nothing that's happened because of him since would ever transpire. But he's pretty certain Zemo doesn't want to hear that, either.
Taking in a deep breath, he breathes out a sigh and shrugs. "I just want everyone to just stop trying to kill us and leave us alone." He's finished with all this. He's pretty sure Zemo is finished too. "I think we're both pretty tired of all this."
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Like today has felt.
He shifts a little bit, goes to sit up ass he reaches for his discarded clothes. "I should get dressed. It would be rather inappropriate if someone looked over and saw."
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"Okay," he agrees quietly, moving to sit up next to Zemo and offering wordlessly to help by turning a discarded piece of clothing the right side out again and gathering it up in his hands for easy wearing. It is probably starting to get a little cold, even though they've been snuggling in the car and he's kept the doors closed and the air conditioner off.
"I'm taking everything off again when you get in the hot tub." Let it not be said that Bucky is not enthusiastic about non-butt stuff. "You feel a little different... I want to spend some time casing you out." If that's not paranoia, who would know what is?
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And it seems that they've reached at least some sort of decision about this marriage of theirs that is letting them both be cautiously hopeful. Happy, or as near to it as they will get.
Zemo huffs out a laugh at the declaration. "Ah, so you mean we won't just cuddle?"
It's flattering in a way. Bucky could be far too skittish to touch him like this, put off. Something. "I think you will like the swimsuit I chose, even if it ends up on the ground sooner rather than later."
There's a grin that graces his lips briefly after he's mostly managed to right himself. "But by all means, feel free to do all the casing you need. Wouldn't want you to miss something important."
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"What did you choose?" Is it something skimpy? Don't ask him why he assumes that. It's just-- Zemo had been so keen to cover himself up just the once, this morning. After that he seems to have gotten more and more comfortable with... his predicament.
Bucky has only seemed to have gotten more handsy since. More willing to be affectionate in public and in private. More open to touching and talking and being touched back, letting Zemo touch his metal arm and run his fingertips over those scale-like plates, and just the little things he doesn't do, like stroking Zemo's thigh while he's thinking and talking. It's a kind of obliviousness on a whole other level that he can't see how he's acting different.
Maybe he loves the tits. Or maybe he just has very strange ideas of how men are supposed to interact, and he doesn't let himself get affectionate because it's not what men do with each other, because he assumes Zemo doesn't want or wouldn't welcome this.
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And it isn't as if he's missed the-- affection either. Or the willingness to be more so. Zemo hasn't been swatted away or given uncomfortable side glances. He can't decide it's nice -- well, no, it has certainly been nice. Bucky taking initiative on touching, or flirting more.
Maybe just the talking more, the little sweet promises he doesn't hear often or the other ways Bucky has talked that he isn't generally inclined... Maybe that has all been very nice, but very unexpected.
And Zemo isn't sure quite what it means, or what to do if it all goes away again if he's put back to normal.
"Oh, you will have to wait and see, James." It's probably not as skimpy as Bucky is thinking -- no more than how the majority of bathing suits tend to be. Zemo has always been inclined towards layers of clothes and now isn't much different, even if he was willing to share more with Bucky, specifically.
Clothes fixed, hair patted into place as much as Zemo can manage, he shifts back into Bucky's side with a soft sigh.
"You know, you usually do not announce when you are intending on undressing me," he points out after a moment, keeping any accusations out of his tone. Instead, there's just curiosity for now. It isn't as if they aren't-- often inspiring Oeznik to invest in earplugs or sending them off by themselves, but it seems... different, at the moment. Perhaps Bucky truly does enjoy his new body and its... attributes.
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Despite letting him indulge, or even encourage Bucky's overbearing protectiveness, at some point when he's got Bucky's heavy arm draped over him holding him in this consensual spooning, all this power might get to Zemo's head, and he probably will need to set some ground rules if he wants to wean his Soldier off him and make this... marriage a little less dysfunctional and codependent.
For now, Bucky seems content to watch some running, shooting, explosions, swerving car chases and frantic phone calls while petting Zemo's hair, chewing on his bottom lip before turning to look at him. He tips his head in a way that most definitely would have his old friends accusing him of spending far too much time with Zemo.
"You'd-- rather I didn't?" Why did Bucky announce his intentions? It had seemed only natural the time... "I don't-- I'm not that kind of man. And you're-- I mean... you'd tell me if you didn't want me to. And I'd leave you alone." He wouldn't just go tearing swimsuits off a woman, is what he means. But Zemo isn't a woman. Well, he is right now, in flesh only so to speak, but. You know.
Bucky averts his gaze. He wouldn't go tearing swimsuits off other guys either. That's weird, to him. Well with Zemo he might, but Zemo might do it to him too, and they're rough, and they don't really talk about it, even when there's bruises afterwards and they probably should have said something. And Bucky's not sure he can articulate why it's different now, but it is different. A part of him is more worried about hurting Zemo physically or emotionally like this than when he's in his usual body.
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But right now, all Zemo wants to do is curl up into Bucky's side and watch some mindless film across the screen, and pretend his world isn't unbearably... large now. Aliens and magic and things he'd rather not deal with at all, or see anyone deal with. It's hard to not blame superheroes or mad icons for bringing this on the world. Perhaps it was inevitable though, something neither he nor anyone else could have changed the course of.
It's just feeling a little weightier than usual when he's currently afflicted with-- whatever is happening here, and trying to navigate his own feelings about it. Maybe it's simply easier to dissect Bucky's reactions and sentiments. Maybe that's why his mind keeps drifting, or maybe it's simple paranoia.
There's a wry smile at the fumbled out question. "Would I rather my husband not show interest in me? Of course not. It's... nice, James. Flattering."
It's just also a bit on the unusual, jarring side of things compared to the normal, and it feeds into paranoia that he is trying to keep tamed at least. "I know you'd stop if I asked."
It isn't as if Bucky hasn't gotten upset with him before for not speaking up when rough has slid over the line to painful before. He knows well enough that at his base, Bucky is not the monster that either of them may have thought initially years ago. Particularly when it comes to choices being taken away, it seems something he detests to do. No, Zemo knows full and well Bucky would stop if he asked. That isn't the issue. But things are certainly different now, in ways Zemo can't help but notice. Maybe they passed by his attention before. He'd never seen Bucky interact with a woman this way before -- not that he is a woman, despite his body.
"I was only making an observation. You're very rarely vocal about when you want me, that is all." Well, not counting when they're in the middle of the act. He can be rather vocal then when Zemo seems to be doing the right things.
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"You mean I'm rarely vocal about anything," Bucky remarks, glancing over before letting his gaze slide back to the screen. Oeznik might beg to differ on those particularly 'sleepless nights' but he also knows that Bucky can fall into an unsettling, prolonged silence that is typical of anyone who's spent too much time alone even if he hasn't bore witness to those weeklong stints of wordless self-neglect in isolation. For as annoying as there is to have the village idiot hovering in the kitchen like a persistent fly, Oeznik would rather Bucky be there and show some interest in food than not coming out of a locked room for days and trying to gently talk to him through the door.
A part of Bucky doesn't know what he wants, and that'll likely remain the case for a while. But a part of him is also afraid that once he's made up his mind and said what he wants out loud, it'll get taken away from him. Nobody feels dejected or gets disappointed if he doesn't say anything.
"You also very rarely need the reassurance." Zemo's usually confident about everything - about himself. Bucky's not saying that this wouldn't throw him for a loop - it would mess with anyone - but he figures if he can help Zemo take things in his stride then this is the least he can do. But if Zemo thinks he's acting a little weird then he supposes he can just stop and fall back into his normal kind of distantly quiet, perpetually irritated, glaring and scowling demeanour. Sad as it is to admit, it is a comfortable and natural state of being for him.
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But they've done quite a bit of talking today, tonight... there's enough to roll around his mind about many things the rest of the night when he's trying to fend off sleep lest he wake up in some other odd predicament. Maybe he should give Bucky a bit of a break.
"... We should get back in the front. The movie will be over soon." He leans in to press a quick kiss to Bucky's cheek before he reluctantly shifts away to climb back over again.
"And I was not criticizing, James. Today has been a good look on you, is all." ... Regressing isn't quite what Zemo wanted either, but that seems an argument for later.
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Bucky could climb over in between the seats like Zemo, but, you know, he's worried he'll get stuck, and he might break something, so he has to tidy up his attire and do the walk of shame from the back seat to the front seat, try to ignore any looks cast his way. Thankfully everyone is just focused on the movie.
While he wouldn't say he was being particularly overtly defensive, he's not sure why he felt the need to defend himself either. Maybe just Zemo pointing out the occasional thing here and there makes him more self-conscious about these things.
"Yeah? I'd say the same, but you might get the wrong idea." That Bucky cares about what Zemo had looked like yesterday, is looking like today, or will look like tomorrow. On some unconscious level he cares to be a little bit more of a gentleman or he might return to monkey but he'll still go to sleep in the same room as a cat, blob or humanoid-shaped Zemo, even if he won't always make it all the way into the bed.
"We still have a backseat load of snacks..." And Bucky would eat them, but you know, he's driving now, and he doubts Zemo would appreciate fluorescent orange smears on his steering wheel.
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"Well, more for home, then." He shrugs his shoulders, lips curling up slightly. "Unless Oeznik refuses to allow you to add any more, of course. But hopefully all of the gifts will put him in a very good mood."
The watch should, at least. Maybe the boardshorts will get an amused chuckle out of the old man, even if Zemo isn't sure he will actually wear them where any can see. "At least he should not send us away on another honeymoon."
'Honeymoon'. He's still rather certain that was a bit of a punishment for his actions that night, being alone and isolated. But at least it had not been all bad, and he hadn't truly been alone.
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"It was nice." Bucky was oblivious to any unkind intentions Oeznik might have had. If anything, Oeznik might have wanted to give Bucky some respite from Vegas. "You really have places in the middle of nowhere. You didn't have a good time?"
He did notice there were a few times Zemo might have been a little bored, but he was busy plodding around in the snow and looking out over the view and cutting his hand open.
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"It reminds me, sometimes, of Berlin. The isolation, the lack of stimulation and distractions. It makes it so much easier for old ghosts to return," he admits after a moment. He knows that Bucky insists being unconscious during one's captivity hadn't been much better, but part of him still disagrees. He'd have rather slept.
"But you seemed to enjoy it quite a bit... It doesn't unnerve you at all, being so removed from everything?"
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"No. There was no one else for miles. It felt safe." And not safe like nobody would come looking for them up there in their warm little cabin, but safe like it was the kind of space he could take his time to work through some of the mess inside his head and no one would rush him through anything. He could snap and there wouldn't be anyone around who could get hurt - other than Zemo.
"A little inconvenient, but. It's how I hoped I would get to live the rest of my days. Just-- alone and quiet and. No... Witchcraft or sentient robots or genocidal aliens, military or politicians." Bucky sighs and lowers his gaze, wringing his hands in his lap, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knows how old he sounds saying how much life was easier 80 years ago. But he didn't have to think about all these things back then.
"I mean. Here I have to worry about getting recognised or. Not meeting expectations. People getting hurt. I don't know. Over there I-- felt free."
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No, instead he just reaches across the seat to rest a hand over one of Bucky's. He understands it. Wanting to just-- stop. It's quite a life to be entrenched in for so long. You make enemies, you can never quite truly relax. Add on the fact that they are likely very wanted men at this point...
It is exhausting after a point.
"Would you like it if we found a small place there? Not to live at permanently, of course, but one we could return to on occasion." As much as Zemo's skin crawls at that sort of isolation after so many years of it--
Well, never let it be said he's an inconsiderate spouse, or that he can't be generous when he wants to be. "Or-- you could go alone on occasion, if that's what you need. Or live there permanently, but only if the worse happens to me, of course. And only if you promise to venture out occasionally. You'll go mad in that sort of isolation, James, however nice it may feel."
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But Steve got to save the world again and go back to get his girl. And Bucky isn't Steve. He's nowhere near redeemed himself enough to deserve his happily ever after in the Alps.
"I'm already mad," he points out softly, giving Zemo's hand a light squeeze.
"It'll be nice, to go back and stay." He doesn't want to say 'if something happens to you' because if he doesn't say it aloud then obviously it would never happen. "But I want to take care of Oeznik. He isn't getting any younger." If Oeznik is following him up there, that's fine. But if Oeznik wants to stay here, then Bucky's staying too.
"You're all I have left. The two of you." And the mangy old cat who's likely only going to be around for a few more years. "Alone time in the mountains can wait."
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... Although the irksome worry is frustrating. If he's ever gone, he'd rather... Bucky be out in the world. "Ah, well... you've certainly called me crazy as well. There are worse things we could be."
... Like terrorists, murderers. Hm.
"I would be grateful," Zemo admits, a warmer look coming to his face. "He has no family either. I-- do not like the thought of him being alone."
Of course Oeznik is perfectly capable, if that is the case. But Zemo can't say he doesn't worry about someone who has been in his life since he was a child, a constant. "I haven't any heirs left, no family to speak of beyond the two of you. Certainly no desire for more as a wanted man. Whatever I have is yours, James. You do with it as you want."
When he's gone, of course, but even now -- it isn't as if Zemo is terribly inclined to say no. "Your fate is not... sealed in the way mine is, James. I do believe there is still a place out there for you. A proper life."
And he'd rather see him pursue that than go hide, but it isn't so simple as giving a command or order, is it?
"Although I should be cross with you, James. I was prepared for you to kill me, the very minute I saw my name in that book of yours, and then you end up giving me reasons to live instead." It's rude, really.
"To the point I would be a liar if I said I did not have the desperate thought of staying this way if it means more time together, less worry." He won't, of course, but it is still something that has crossed his mind.
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"This is my proper life," Bucky insists. He's not sure that Zemo can see that, when he's living in all these hypotheticals, where this is just a temporary thing that he's expecting to be zapped from at any moment. It's not like Bucky doesn't spend his time here thinking he's going to wake up in a cryo chamber any minute now and this was all just an elaborate dream from time to time. That still doesn't stop him from putting in the effort, trying his best to make the most out of what he can.
"I can't make him stop worrying about you. But I don't want him to be alone, either. He's lost everything too." He's not saying this because he thinks he owes Zemo anything or because he's obligated to take care of Oeznik. He just wants to. Just like he wants to live this life, and not some fantasy Zemo made up about that retired assassin life running around in New York City doing-- what, exactly? A 9 to 5 job, finding another wife, arguing over takeout expenses?
"I've thought about dying, a lot of times." Sometimes multiple times in the same day, even if he doesn't say it aloud. "Whatever people say about the easy way out, what people deserve and all that, I don't know anything about it. All I know is, I don't want to do that anymore. A name in the book is just unfinished business, that's all." And, honestly, Bucky doesn't know how this particular business is going to finish. It's certainly put him in positions he couldn't imagine himself ever being in.
"I don't know if things are supposed to turn out this way. But I think we're doing better today than we were yesterday, and maybe that's all it is. At least, I know you want to be three steps ahead, but. Doing better today is enough for me..."
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