"I never said that. There were very good moments," he answers, and it's honest. There were some nice little moments with Bucky before he managed to cut his hand open -- and even the night spent huddled together in the clinic had not been all bad. He doesn't want Bucky to think there hadn't been... any enjoyment at all.
"It reminds me, sometimes, of Berlin. The isolation, the lack of stimulation and distractions. It makes it so much easier for old ghosts to return," he admits after a moment. He knows that Bucky insists being unconscious during one's captivity hadn't been much better, but part of him still disagrees. He'd have rather slept.
"But you seemed to enjoy it quite a bit... It doesn't unnerve you at all, being so removed from everything?"
Bucky can understand, not liking that isolation, being in this box with an untold number of people watching, feeling like an animal in a cage and people too afraid to even talk to you. The Alps were different though. It didn't feel like Siberia, a few visual similarities aside.
"No. There was no one else for miles. It felt safe." And not safe like nobody would come looking for them up there in their warm little cabin, but safe like it was the kind of space he could take his time to work through some of the mess inside his head and no one would rush him through anything. He could snap and there wouldn't be anyone around who could get hurt - other than Zemo.
"A little inconvenient, but. It's how I hoped I would get to live the rest of my days. Just-- alone and quiet and. No... Witchcraft or sentient robots or genocidal aliens, military or politicians." Bucky sighs and lowers his gaze, wringing his hands in his lap, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knows how old he sounds saying how much life was easier 80 years ago. But he didn't have to think about all these things back then.
"I mean. Here I have to worry about getting recognised or. Not meeting expectations. People getting hurt. I don't know. Over there I-- felt free."
"Safe." He supposes. In many ways, it would be safer than where they are now -- another reason Oeznik likely chose that destination, beyond frustration or wanting to give Bucky a break from Vegas. There's no real reason to reiterate how he feels about all of that either, how much he'd rather there weren't aliens or superheroes or anything so big. Bigger than humanity, a danger and a threat that most could not hope to stand against.
No, instead he just reaches across the seat to rest a hand over one of Bucky's. He understands it. Wanting to just-- stop. It's quite a life to be entrenched in for so long. You make enemies, you can never quite truly relax. Add on the fact that they are likely very wanted men at this point...
It is exhausting after a point.
"Would you like it if we found a small place there? Not to live at permanently, of course, but one we could return to on occasion." As much as Zemo's skin crawls at that sort of isolation after so many years of it--
Well, never let it be said he's an inconsiderate spouse, or that he can't be generous when he wants to be. "Or-- you could go alone on occasion, if that's what you need. Or live there permanently, but only if the worse happens to me, of course. And only if you promise to venture out occasionally. You'll go mad in that sort of isolation, James, however nice it may feel."
Honestly he'd expected to be berated a bit for basically wanting to shirk his responsibilities and not necessarily stick his head in the sand, but not get too involved either. It's not the right thing to do, when adversities come and he's alone on his mountain having a cup of coffee looking at snowcapped mountains while the rest of the world burns. It's not the-- American or Captain American or Steve Rogers thing to do.
But Steve got to save the world again and go back to get his girl. And Bucky isn't Steve. He's nowhere near redeemed himself enough to deserve his happily ever after in the Alps.
"I'm already mad," he points out softly, giving Zemo's hand a light squeeze.
"It'll be nice, to go back and stay." He doesn't want to say 'if something happens to you' because if he doesn't say it aloud then obviously it would never happen. "But I want to take care of Oeznik. He isn't getting any younger." If Oeznik is following him up there, that's fine. But if Oeznik wants to stay here, then Bucky's staying too.
"You're all I have left. The two of you." And the mangy old cat who's likely only going to be around for a few more years. "Alone time in the mountains can wait."
Bucky is not Captain America. He isn't Steve Rogers, who Zemo already has plenty of complicated feelings about. He isn't an icon, made to continue the sort of life his hero friends expect. Bucky also isn't an attack dog, to be dragged out when aliens are brought to their home or the next mad icon decides to destroy the world. If retiring is what Bucky wants, before he's too burnt out to do anything else, then Zemo can't deny him that.
... Although the irksome worry is frustrating. If he's ever gone, he'd rather... Bucky be out in the world. "Ah, well... you've certainly called me crazy as well. There are worse things we could be."
... Like terrorists, murderers. Hm.
"I would be grateful," Zemo admits, a warmer look coming to his face. "He has no family either. I-- do not like the thought of him being alone."
Of course Oeznik is perfectly capable, if that is the case. But Zemo can't say he doesn't worry about someone who has been in his life since he was a child, a constant. "I haven't any heirs left, no family to speak of beyond the two of you. Certainly no desire for more as a wanted man. Whatever I have is yours, James. You do with it as you want."
When he's gone, of course, but even now -- it isn't as if Zemo is terribly inclined to say no. "Your fate is not... sealed in the way mine is, James. I do believe there is still a place out there for you. A proper life."
And he'd rather see him pursue that than go hide, but it isn't so simple as giving a command or order, is it?
"Although I should be cross with you, James. I was prepared for you to kill me, the very minute I saw my name in that book of yours, and then you end up giving me reasons to live instead." It's rude, really.
"To the point I would be a liar if I said I did not have the desperate thought of staying this way if it means more time together, less worry." He won't, of course, but it is still something that has crossed his mind.
Funnily enough, if anyone's made him feel like an attack dog, Zemo is one of the last people on his mind. The Wakandans can do no wrong in his book, but they've made him feel more like a weaponisable object than Zemo has. He doesn't think he deserves his happily ever after just yet, but when the time comes, he's pretty sure solitude is what he would want.
"This is my proper life," Bucky insists. He's not sure that Zemo can see that, when he's living in all these hypotheticals, where this is just a temporary thing that he's expecting to be zapped from at any moment. It's not like Bucky doesn't spend his time here thinking he's going to wake up in a cryo chamber any minute now and this was all just an elaborate dream from time to time. That still doesn't stop him from putting in the effort, trying his best to make the most out of what he can.
"I can't make him stop worrying about you. But I don't want him to be alone, either. He's lost everything too." He's not saying this because he thinks he owes Zemo anything or because he's obligated to take care of Oeznik. He just wants to. Just like he wants to live this life, and not some fantasy Zemo made up about that retired assassin life running around in New York City doing-- what, exactly? A 9 to 5 job, finding another wife, arguing over takeout expenses?
"I've thought about dying, a lot of times." Sometimes multiple times in the same day, even if he doesn't say it aloud. "Whatever people say about the easy way out, what people deserve and all that, I don't know anything about it. All I know is, I don't want to do that anymore. A name in the book is just unfinished business, that's all." And, honestly, Bucky doesn't know how this particular business is going to finish. It's certainly put him in positions he couldn't imagine himself ever being in.
"I don't know if things are supposed to turn out this way. But I think we're doing better today than we were yesterday, and maybe that's all it is. At least, I know you want to be three steps ahead, but. Doing better today is enough for me..."
Bucky is-- useful. Strong, resilient. Zemo is still a soldier, a leader. Sometimes it's impossible to turn it off, but he likes to think he treats Bucky better now. Sees him as a man, even if his feelings about the serum are still complicated. Then again, so are his feelings about Bucky and what they're doing in general, but-- he's as close to happy as he's been in a while. It may lead to additional paranoia, the fear of losing what they've got, but...
He's content. That's all he can really ask for or expect after so many years, living like he has.
"He'll always fret about those he's close to," Zemo answers with a shrug. "He is rather good at that."
He worries about Bucky too, he's sure of it. Despite all the complaints, all the warnings he's given Zemo... he's rather certain it comes from a place of concern for both. Zemo hopes he doesn't leave either of them anytime soon, but at least he can relax a bit, knowing Oeznik has someone to occupy at least a bit of his time.
His thumb idly rubs over the back of Bucky's hand as he quietly digests those words, rolls them over in his head. He's not certain if it's a good thing really, being Bucky's reason for anything at all, but it's still nice to hear that he's contributed a bit all the same.
"I suppose I can be content with doing better today." It is deeply frustrating, not being steps ahead, but... he will deal with that. They will deal with that. Right now, enjoying what's left of the day sounds far more appealing.
It's why he starts to slip his hand out of Bucky's and flashes him a look. "Are you ready to go home?"
Bucky grips tight out of instinct before letting Zemo's hand go and giving him a perfunctory nod. Cars have been starting to leave in some kind of semi-orderly fashion and they shouldn't hold everyone else up even if they're off on the side minding their own business. Bucky turns the engine on and checks the heater temperature blowing out of the vents with the back of his flesh hand, making sure Zemo would be comfortable before he pulls out of their lot when it's their turn.
The drive home is fairly uneventful, apart from it being a little dark out and Bucky has to go slower than he likes. He doesn't really say much until they're in the garage, and he kills the engine, and the garage door is rolling down slowly behind them. Yes, that is Bucky trying to reach over the backseat and stuffing all their snacks into his pockets. He'd probably shove the beef jerky in his pants if he thought he could get away with smuggling that into his room.
"We can try and sneak you in, if you wanna wait here for a bit. We can probably get away with it today, see what happens tomorrow. Or... I don't mind just going in and telling him. Unless you have any ideas, or you wanna do it personally."
"I believe he deserves to know." As daunting as all of that is. It makes it a bit more real, letting another in on... whatever has happened here. But Oeznik is Oeznik, and he likely knows something is amiss anyway.
"Besides, you do have snacks to sneak in, I believe." There's a teasing smile that mostly hides any concern Zemo is feeling as he goes to slip out of the car. He gives a bit of a stretch before going around back to gather some of their bags.
"You can go to your room, James. I will go speak with Oeznik." And hopefully not give his dear friend a heart attack.
"... With any luck, he does not think I am an intruder." He isn't quite as helpless as he seems after all and Zemo doesn't want to be mistaken for a potential threat. Perhaps if he offers the watch first...
"Okay." He'll grab the rest of the bags, taking Zemo's new wardrobe and the cat tree while Zemo handles the gifts and the coffee and the two snacks Bucky thinks might work to convince Oeznik he hasn't snuck any food into the bedrooms. Of course, unbeknownst to Bucky, usually Zemo willingly hands over the secret stash of snacks, but he keeps some in his own room and that stockpile is safe for now.
"I need to set up my phone as well." With his primitive charger and making sure the SIM card is activated and all the rest of it. "I'll come down if I hear any screaming," he adds dryly as he makes his way inside, careful not to let anything fall out of his pockets. Oeznik would have heard them come home, but he's luckily busy in the kitchen so he didn't come to greet them. Bucky leaves the cat tree by the foot of the stairs and makes his way upstairs as quickly and quietly as he can, popping into his room first to empty his pockets before slipping into Zemo's to try and arrange all these clothes, and also stash a couple packets of snacks in places Oeznik hasn't raided yet.
Almost immediately he had Steve weaving between his legs trying to kill him going up the stairs, but he's hoping once he gets the tree set up, Steve will have one more thing to entertain himself with and would be less likely to attempt manslaughter.
"Let me know if your phone explodes with worried texts from your friends..." They had to know about the Vegas sighting by now, yes? Hopefully, they are not actively looking for Bucky anywhere... and Zemo doubts anyone would think to check Wyoming of all places.
Zemo decides that it's best to just walk into the kitchen like nothing at all is abnormal about this, his usual confidence. It's going to give Oeznik a start, either way, but it's best to just get it over with quickly.
... And while Zemo wouldn't want any more hospital or clinic visits so soon, Bucky taking just a tiny tumble down the stairs may be a welcome distraction in a moment when Oeznik demands to know what the meaning of all of this is, what happened and Zemo will have no real answers to provide.
Another drunken mistake in Vegas? A wish gone very, very wrong? It's impossible to tell, really.
The thought hadn't even occurred to him that anyone would care, but that soon dissipates when he carefully pops the SIM card in and turns the phone on. It doesn't stop vibrating in the time it takes Bucky to empty his pockets and unpack the shopping bags. Zemo's new clothes will need a wash, but first all the tags have to come off. Tempting as it is to 'help' by using his teeth, Bucky leaves the clothes in a neat pile on the edge of Zemo's bed, shoes by the door.
He takes in a deep breath once his new phone stops vibrating - not because the messages have stopped but because the mailbox and the voicemail box is full - and he thinks to just delete everything. Unfortunately he makes the mistake of reading one from Sam, and it only gets worse from there.
Mostly it's all along the lines of 'Bucky, listen to me, Zemo is not your friend' and his therapist has chimed in also to try and point out all the ways Zemo is gaslighting him, how giving up his own thoughts and desires is a fantasy he shouldn't be indulging in, he doesn't have to 'live this way' - whatever that means - and how he has to overcome the difficult challenge of breaking out of an abusive, controlling relationship.
It's all very well-intentioned, ever so slightly patronising, and leaving him feeling like the only person who actually cares about what he wants is downstairs trying to explain his Current Predicament to his butler.
He should be going downstairs trying to make sure Oeznik doesn't have an aneurysm and Zemo is okay, but he's just sitting on the edge of the bed mindlessly scrolling and deleting words of concern dejectedly while his eyes glaze over everybody's worries and opinions. He might head downstairs if he hears any raised voices though.
But so far, judging from the lack of commotion, it seems like Oeznik is taking it better than 'THE FLOOR IS HOT!' maybe?
Oeznik startles as expected when he turns to greet Zemo and sees-- well, certainly not what he expects. Zemo isn't certain what he expected either, but there's well-intentioned fussing and concern from the old man who comes closer to look him over. It puts him a bit on edge, the scrutiny and his own lack of solid answers on what happened.
At least it doesn't take much to convince Oeznik it is indeed him. They've had a lifetime together and there are things only Zemo would know -- and fortunately, he must still look similar enough. He isn't treated as an intruder, and that's something, isn't it?
Of course there's some blame thrown at that Vegas trip, on Zemo being reckless and irresponsible that has him feeling like a teenager caught in mischief all over again. There's some frustration over Bucky clearly not watching over him as well as he'd thought, on top of the marriage and everything else that followed. It seems even Oeznik has his boiling point.
And then comes Zemo explaining they may have to leave again to-- fix this, meet with some of Bucky's acquaintances, deal in magic, unless he magically changes back or he accepts his very strange fate. He seems to have some reservations about getting too close to the remaining Avengers, most of all one of the ones Zemo put in The Raft himself. But what else can be done? Oeznik ultimately agrees in the end.
It doesn't seem as if the watch and the gifts, though appreciated, are enough to entirely soothe the old man's concern or irritation or provide a proper distraction, but he collects himself as much as he can, even manages a remark or two about having a lady of the house again.
The boardshorts go over as well as they both expected, confusion and a huff before Zemo insists that Oeznik needs to relax more, take it a bit easier. They are settled after all, and Oeznik has done enough to deserve it. The remark that it's impossible to take it easy when Zemo keeps bringing home more and more messes has the baron looking properly sullen by the time he goes back upstairs.
He tilts his head when he sees the other sat on the edge of the bed with that look on his face, scrolling through his new phone. Of course there would not be good news up here.
He sighs and moves to sit on the edge of the bed next to Bucky, casually toeing off his shoes. "Oeznik did not die of shock at the very least, and he is still preparing dinner if you're hungry."
Now, wouldn't that have been a perfectly depressing evening if his old friend had fallen over from a heart attack?
Bucky's head snaps up when he hears Zemo coming in. It would be too obvious to just put his phone away, but he does turn it facing down as Zemo approaches, casting a small, tight-lipped smile Zemo's way. Not dying of shock is always a bonus, but clearly he wasn't elated either, and Zemo seems a little... Off.
"I'm good. Just-- got flooded with texts from Sam." Bucky snaps his phone shut with one hand and puts it on top of the bedside drawer, leaving it to charge.
"I think it's safe to say, everyone knows we got married." In Vegas, no less, and while apparently those marriages don't count, they seem to all be taking it very seriously.
"Are you hungry?" Bucky asks softly, turning a bit more to face Zemo, pulling more than half of one folded leg up onto the bed. He'd rather talk about what they're going to do with the rest of their day than talk about what other people think about their marriage.
"Dinner might be nice. And a shower." He still feels like he's in that just-had-sex state and needing a bit of a cleanup. But he probably won't put too much effort into it because they're going to slink into the hot tub anyway.
"Don't worry about Oeznik," Bucky tries to reassure Zemo even though he has no idea what's wrong. "He'll come around."
"I will assume he isn't angry over his lack of invitation." He wonders what the messages say, what they're telling Bucky.
"Am I the dastardly villain, manipulating and controlling you?" It isn't quite a question, even if it's phrased as one. He can be rather certain they're reminding Bucky of all the little slights, all the bigger wrongs, and everything else he's been on the receiving end of when it comes to Zemo. Perhaps a little part of him wonders if Bucky is even considering any of their words of wisdom.
"Not particularly." But he did figure that Bucky just may be. "But a shower is a good idea. It will be quicker together."
... Provided they keep their hands to themselves, but Zemo doesn't see that being a particular problem at the moment, not when they've both got plenty to occupy their thoughts.
There's a wry smile at the reassurance. "I would say the same for Sam, but I think we both know better than that by now. I don't think he will be letting go of the fact that I put him in the Raft any time soon."
Zemo is already pushing himself up and starting to discard clothes. It's perhaps a little more awkward now that they're not wound up in the backseat of a car, but-- Bucky has already been as intimately close as possible. "Follow me, James. I will get the shower started... I may even let you under the water first."
Bucky just snickers. "Do you really want Sam at your wedding?" He wouldn't mind, himself. Anyone else he could have invited beyond Steve's friends are dead. He wouldn't inflict Sam on Zemo though.
"No, it's fine. He thinks I'm crazy. Crazier than usual." Forcing a smile, Bucky tries to dismiss Zemo's concern as though everything's okay, as though nobody's out for his blood, as though his phone isn't full of reminders of the things Zemo has done to him and the things he should be wanting to do to Zemo.
Bucky has spent more time feeling alone in the world than he has with company, so the censure doesn't bother him so much. But it's not always easy, when he's lived that life being a good boy doing what everyone around him tells him tto People who are closest to him have been trying to train him out of that, but now that he wants something for himself, he's struggling to find acceptance and approval.
"You never let me under the water first," Bucky points out as he shoves Zemo's discarded clothes to one side. He doesn't mind of course, but usually Zemo makes a point of stealing all the warmth from him and messing him up before getting him cleaned up.
He's a little more comfortable going to the bathroom with Zemo this time, starting to shed his clothes only once Zemo's in the shower and got the hot water started. Zemo's been fairly tame in the shower since Bucky hurt his hand but there's no guarantee he would stay that way.
"I don't think it's ever bothered you anyway. What anyone else thinks, about anything." Let them not start dwelling on that. Definitely not today.
"It depends on his behavior." It isn't as if Zemo can't tolerate Sam, or even find his company enjoyable. But he'd rather not deal with the accusations he's certain would come, despite whatever Bucky insists.
Zemo isn't a fool after all. There isn't any way that they aren't out for his blood, to put him back in prison -- now, especially. It involves Bucky again, and all the potential manipulation and control they'll assume is going on. It's... tiring, really. He's given Bucky ample opportunity to walk away from this marriage and yet-- he keeps insisting on staying.
There's a soft laugh as Zemo slips in -- under the water, of course. "It only bothers me if they intend on showing up on our doorstep."
He's rather used to ill opinions. Those aren't the issue, really. He expects them, with his past.
"What would they say, hearing you call me yours, I wonder." Besides that he's gone mad.
When Bucky has slipped into the shower, Zemo turns to face him -- and slide his arms around his waist. He may not be shoving Bucky into the wall for any play, but he does seem to have every intention of pressing against him and stealing some warmth, it seems.
"Be careful with your hand, James. I will help you wash."
"He would object halfway through. Maybe he wants to marry you instead," Bucky says dryly. He's far more likely to succumb to pressure and call everything off under the guise of being disinterested in everything if everyone starts fighting.
"Safe to say, they scoured every inch of Vegas. We were lucky to have left. I don't know if they found Oeznik." Sam knows to look for him, but he also knows Oeznik could compete with Bucky when it comes to loyalty. They're not the type to do anything to Oeznik if the boys were nowhere to be found.
"I don't care what they say," Bucky mutters quietly. It's not true to a certain degree but he does care more about what Zemo has to say. This is between them after all. He's a little worried the novelty of it all might wear off. But so far, the novelty of having a sulking hundred year old grumpy manatee rolling around his various safehouses hasn't worn off yet. Maybe there's hope that Bucky's not just an interesting bespoke one of a kind collection piece to be displayed in a room that no one ventures into.
Bucky makes a soft little noise that is part surprised, part possibly aroused as Zemo presses up against him, warm and wet and soft in places he's used to being more muscular, more hardened and scarred. He has to go that much further now to kiss him but that doesn't stop him from leaning down and trying to catch those lips in a gentle bite, metal hand finding a curve in Zemo's waist to latch onto while he fails at multitasking to keep his wounded hand out of the water without assistance.
"Being Mr. or Mrs. Captain America would never work out for me, lucky for you," he jokes back, even if there's a bit of paranoia creeping in under the surface. He can't imagine Sam being so easily deterred with a sweep of Vegas. The idea of anyone taking Bucky away from him now makes him bristle, want to lash out.
"Oeznik would have covered his steps at least." He would not have given them away... although he is more grateful than ever for their impromptu honeymoon trip. Hopefully, it threw them off their trail for a bit longer.
There's a smile at the affectionate biting before he's pressing a soft kiss to those lips in return, grateful for the momentary distraction. The little reassurance that Bucky isn't quite rethinking things just yet.
He does make an effort to guide Bucky's injured hand safely away from the spray of water. "I was thinking, James--"
There are kisses peppered between his words, soft little distractions. "If I am like this tomorrow-- if I am like this for an undetermined amount of time..."
There's no way to be certain of anything right now after all. If this spell will run its course, if he's facing something more permanent.. "I think I would like to-- go back to where my home once was. Pay respects to my family. I remember where I buried them, even if Sokovia is gone."
And it will keep them away from here for a bit, out of the country. Besides-- "It is something that I have put off for a long time now. I would like if you joined me."
Well, Sam's got a lot of things to worry about, so you never know. Maybe he won't chase them down like a dog with a bone that refuses to let go.
Bucky's whole arm goes lax in Zemo's grip. He doesn't even protest when Zemo ends up pinning his wrist to the wall for a bit, to remind him to keep his hand out of the water. He does go unnaturally still when Zemo suggests to drag him along to his old place, although that's likely more out of surprise or concern than it is an outright rejection. Bucky wouldn't mind going at all, but it feels something so intensely personal, and he feels like he would be encroaching, being there.
Zemo seems utterly serious about it though, and Bucky swallows and nods. He's not thinking about leaving Wyoming for a bit. Even if the thought of smuggling Steve along again did cross his mind... He wouldn't put Steve through that again though. Especially not after they set up the new cat tree and give him a safe place to perch and lie in the sun in.
Not that Zemo gave any thought to anything intensely personal when he brought them to Siberia. But maybe Bucky is more sensitive about these things. There are few people he would invite into his space the way Zemo is asking of him right now.
"Okay. Let's go." He flashes Zemo a tight-lipped smile and pets his hair on the back of his head, bumping foreheads in a silent gesture before his metal hand slides down the side of Zemo's body again.
It is rather personal -- and perhaps he will still steal away from the hotel to go alone once there. It's still better than leaving Bucky here alone with Avengers sniffing around for him, just in case Zemo is manipulating him into any acts of terror or whatever has their concern.
Or perhaps, with as well as he's studied Bucky down to every basic detail, he can allow him this glimpse into his life. They are married after all. The thought almost has him laughing still, just from how ridiculously far fetched all of this is. Certainly not in a horrible way though.
He stifles the urge with a fonder smile before he leans up to press a quick kiss to Bucky's lips. "I will ask Oeznik to make arrangements for us soon, then. I suppose it would be smarter to wait until morning, see if whatever sort of spell this is lasts."
The old man may prefer a bit of a break from them anyway. "Now, be mindful of your hand, James."
He makes certain to nudge his right hand right back against the wall before he reaches for the soap to start cleaning the other man. Of course he has his left hand -- but it seems rather busy at the moment and Zemo is in no hurry to brush it off. Not when he could be working soapy hands over the other and do a little bit of harmless groping of his own.
"Do you think Oeznik would wanna go? I mean, I could hold down the fort here instead, if someone needs to stay," Bucky offers, oblivious to the intent of taking him out of Wyoming. "I do want to go with you, but it-- might be important to Oeznik too." Or maybe Oeznik doesn't want to go at all. Maybe he's spent too much time mourning too many Zemos already, and he just wants to stay here and enjoy the time he can have with the last one.
It would be a little strange though, if they find Bucky rolling around in this big old house alone with a cat he's gone and named Steve because he's really lost the plot this time, marrying the titular villain of their shitshow. It's very unlikely that they'll just leave him here alone if that's how they find him, though. There's too much of Zemo in this house for them to really believe everything Bucky would categorically deny.
"Hmmh. Do you--... I haven't. Contacted anyone, but. Do you still want me to, if you're stuck like this for a while?" He gets that it is the desperate play, that they have no other choice, but he still wants it to be a choice. And, most importantly, Zemo's choice.
Although, Zemo did buy about as much clothes for his current form than Bucky has clothes for himself, so... Maybe he is planning on staying like this for a while?
The idea of leaving Bucky alone strikes something uncomfortable in him. It's-- strange to think that they haven't been apart for a very long time now, whether they've bickered or distrusted each other or fallen into bed together, it doesn't really matter. Perhaps that's not healthy. But the idea of leaving Bucky behind-- here...
Well, it just seems like a very bad idea, all things considered. He isn't certain what he'd come back to.
"We could all go, if Oeznik is inclined..." It means uprooting Steve and he's not certain that's really best for the cat, but they also can't quite leave him behind in an empty house. Maybe they could board him for the duration...
Or maybe Zemo should let Bucky stay behind, but there's also the fact that the man may not care enough to take care of himself or the cat in their absence.
The question has him pausing, humming thoughtfully. "We will have to, won't we? Though I still can't quite escape the nagging feeling that it will be at least the beginning of the end of whatever peace we have found."
Involving more magic, or letting people know they are traveling together. "We will see if it lasts, I suppose."
Bucky is so used to being alone that it's probably surprising that he hasn't lashed out yet. Well, okay, he might have had a meltdown or two, but Zemo's taken them in his stride, and he's given Bucky a lot of space when he thinks he's pushing Bucky a little bit too much.
Oeznik is likely to veto any notion of Bucky being alone here, however, and make the trip there on his own at another time. He's taken it upon himself to look after all of them, and he's fairly certain Bucky and Steve won't be fine left alone to themselves. Steve will probably be fine, wander off on his own to find whatever scraps he's been living on all this time. He can't say the same for the lump they will find on the dust-covered floor when they return.
Still, Bucky likes to fantasise that Oeznik trusts him enough to leave him alone to man the house for a while.
"We'll see what he says." Bucky almost gets his hand wet again when Zemo shoves it back and keeps it out of the spray, helping to wash the soap off his body and rubbing him in places that make him whimper and squirm. He licks his bottom lip nervously and makes a disgruntled, warning noise. For someone who's not fooling around in the shower, Zemo's being a little handsy.
Zemo can't be blamed for getting a bit handsy, can he? Bucky is very tempting to get handsy with and it's a rather perfect excuse -- although the noises he gets in response do have him show a little mercy. There's a brief, teasing smile before Zemo leans up to press a quick kiss to his cheek -- and backs away enough to start scrubbing himself down.
Still a bit awkward with the differences, but Zemo is rather talented at at least seeming at ease in most situations.
"We will. For now, let's just enjoy the rest of the day as much as we can." They still have a bit to go after all, and it's been rather pleasant for the most part. Zemo would like to keep that trend going for a bit longer at least.
"Anything else you would like to do tonight, James? Besides the hot tub."
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"It reminds me, sometimes, of Berlin. The isolation, the lack of stimulation and distractions. It makes it so much easier for old ghosts to return," he admits after a moment. He knows that Bucky insists being unconscious during one's captivity hadn't been much better, but part of him still disagrees. He'd have rather slept.
"But you seemed to enjoy it quite a bit... It doesn't unnerve you at all, being so removed from everything?"
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"No. There was no one else for miles. It felt safe." And not safe like nobody would come looking for them up there in their warm little cabin, but safe like it was the kind of space he could take his time to work through some of the mess inside his head and no one would rush him through anything. He could snap and there wouldn't be anyone around who could get hurt - other than Zemo.
"A little inconvenient, but. It's how I hoped I would get to live the rest of my days. Just-- alone and quiet and. No... Witchcraft or sentient robots or genocidal aliens, military or politicians." Bucky sighs and lowers his gaze, wringing his hands in his lap, swallowing the lump in his throat. He knows how old he sounds saying how much life was easier 80 years ago. But he didn't have to think about all these things back then.
"I mean. Here I have to worry about getting recognised or. Not meeting expectations. People getting hurt. I don't know. Over there I-- felt free."
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No, instead he just reaches across the seat to rest a hand over one of Bucky's. He understands it. Wanting to just-- stop. It's quite a life to be entrenched in for so long. You make enemies, you can never quite truly relax. Add on the fact that they are likely very wanted men at this point...
It is exhausting after a point.
"Would you like it if we found a small place there? Not to live at permanently, of course, but one we could return to on occasion." As much as Zemo's skin crawls at that sort of isolation after so many years of it--
Well, never let it be said he's an inconsiderate spouse, or that he can't be generous when he wants to be. "Or-- you could go alone on occasion, if that's what you need. Or live there permanently, but only if the worse happens to me, of course. And only if you promise to venture out occasionally. You'll go mad in that sort of isolation, James, however nice it may feel."
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But Steve got to save the world again and go back to get his girl. And Bucky isn't Steve. He's nowhere near redeemed himself enough to deserve his happily ever after in the Alps.
"I'm already mad," he points out softly, giving Zemo's hand a light squeeze.
"It'll be nice, to go back and stay." He doesn't want to say 'if something happens to you' because if he doesn't say it aloud then obviously it would never happen. "But I want to take care of Oeznik. He isn't getting any younger." If Oeznik is following him up there, that's fine. But if Oeznik wants to stay here, then Bucky's staying too.
"You're all I have left. The two of you." And the mangy old cat who's likely only going to be around for a few more years. "Alone time in the mountains can wait."
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... Although the irksome worry is frustrating. If he's ever gone, he'd rather... Bucky be out in the world. "Ah, well... you've certainly called me crazy as well. There are worse things we could be."
... Like terrorists, murderers. Hm.
"I would be grateful," Zemo admits, a warmer look coming to his face. "He has no family either. I-- do not like the thought of him being alone."
Of course Oeznik is perfectly capable, if that is the case. But Zemo can't say he doesn't worry about someone who has been in his life since he was a child, a constant. "I haven't any heirs left, no family to speak of beyond the two of you. Certainly no desire for more as a wanted man. Whatever I have is yours, James. You do with it as you want."
When he's gone, of course, but even now -- it isn't as if Zemo is terribly inclined to say no. "Your fate is not... sealed in the way mine is, James. I do believe there is still a place out there for you. A proper life."
And he'd rather see him pursue that than go hide, but it isn't so simple as giving a command or order, is it?
"Although I should be cross with you, James. I was prepared for you to kill me, the very minute I saw my name in that book of yours, and then you end up giving me reasons to live instead." It's rude, really.
"To the point I would be a liar if I said I did not have the desperate thought of staying this way if it means more time together, less worry." He won't, of course, but it is still something that has crossed his mind.
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"This is my proper life," Bucky insists. He's not sure that Zemo can see that, when he's living in all these hypotheticals, where this is just a temporary thing that he's expecting to be zapped from at any moment. It's not like Bucky doesn't spend his time here thinking he's going to wake up in a cryo chamber any minute now and this was all just an elaborate dream from time to time. That still doesn't stop him from putting in the effort, trying his best to make the most out of what he can.
"I can't make him stop worrying about you. But I don't want him to be alone, either. He's lost everything too." He's not saying this because he thinks he owes Zemo anything or because he's obligated to take care of Oeznik. He just wants to. Just like he wants to live this life, and not some fantasy Zemo made up about that retired assassin life running around in New York City doing-- what, exactly? A 9 to 5 job, finding another wife, arguing over takeout expenses?
"I've thought about dying, a lot of times." Sometimes multiple times in the same day, even if he doesn't say it aloud. "Whatever people say about the easy way out, what people deserve and all that, I don't know anything about it. All I know is, I don't want to do that anymore. A name in the book is just unfinished business, that's all." And, honestly, Bucky doesn't know how this particular business is going to finish. It's certainly put him in positions he couldn't imagine himself ever being in.
"I don't know if things are supposed to turn out this way. But I think we're doing better today than we were yesterday, and maybe that's all it is. At least, I know you want to be three steps ahead, but. Doing better today is enough for me..."
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He's content. That's all he can really ask for or expect after so many years, living like he has.
"He'll always fret about those he's close to," Zemo answers with a shrug. "He is rather good at that."
He worries about Bucky too, he's sure of it. Despite all the complaints, all the warnings he's given Zemo... he's rather certain it comes from a place of concern for both. Zemo hopes he doesn't leave either of them anytime soon, but at least he can relax a bit, knowing Oeznik has someone to occupy at least a bit of his time.
His thumb idly rubs over the back of Bucky's hand as he quietly digests those words, rolls them over in his head. He's not certain if it's a good thing really, being Bucky's reason for anything at all, but it's still nice to hear that he's contributed a bit all the same.
"I suppose I can be content with doing better today." It is deeply frustrating, not being steps ahead, but... he will deal with that. They will deal with that. Right now, enjoying what's left of the day sounds far more appealing.
It's why he starts to slip his hand out of Bucky's and flashes him a look. "Are you ready to go home?"
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The drive home is fairly uneventful, apart from it being a little dark out and Bucky has to go slower than he likes. He doesn't really say much until they're in the garage, and he kills the engine, and the garage door is rolling down slowly behind them. Yes, that is Bucky trying to reach over the backseat and stuffing all their snacks into his pockets. He'd probably shove the beef jerky in his pants if he thought he could get away with smuggling that into his room.
"We can try and sneak you in, if you wanna wait here for a bit. We can probably get away with it today, see what happens tomorrow. Or... I don't mind just going in and telling him. Unless you have any ideas, or you wanna do it personally."
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"Besides, you do have snacks to sneak in, I believe." There's a teasing smile that mostly hides any concern Zemo is feeling as he goes to slip out of the car. He gives a bit of a stretch before going around back to gather some of their bags.
"You can go to your room, James. I will go speak with Oeznik." And hopefully not give his dear friend a heart attack.
"... With any luck, he does not think I am an intruder." He isn't quite as helpless as he seems after all and Zemo doesn't want to be mistaken for a potential threat. Perhaps if he offers the watch first...
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"I need to set up my phone as well." With his primitive charger and making sure the SIM card is activated and all the rest of it. "I'll come down if I hear any screaming," he adds dryly as he makes his way inside, careful not to let anything fall out of his pockets. Oeznik would have heard them come home, but he's luckily busy in the kitchen so he didn't come to greet them. Bucky leaves the cat tree by the foot of the stairs and makes his way upstairs as quickly and quietly as he can, popping into his room first to empty his pockets before slipping into Zemo's to try and arrange all these clothes, and also stash a couple packets of snacks in places Oeznik hasn't raided yet.
Almost immediately he had Steve weaving between his legs trying to kill him going up the stairs, but he's hoping once he gets the tree set up, Steve will have one more thing to entertain himself with and would be less likely to attempt manslaughter.
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Zemo decides that it's best to just walk into the kitchen like nothing at all is abnormal about this, his usual confidence. It's going to give Oeznik a start, either way, but it's best to just get it over with quickly.
... And while Zemo wouldn't want any more hospital or clinic visits so soon, Bucky taking just a tiny tumble down the stairs may be a welcome distraction in a moment when Oeznik demands to know what the meaning of all of this is, what happened and Zemo will have no real answers to provide.
Another drunken mistake in Vegas? A wish gone very, very wrong? It's impossible to tell, really.
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He takes in a deep breath once his new phone stops vibrating - not because the messages have stopped but because the mailbox and the voicemail box is full - and he thinks to just delete everything. Unfortunately he makes the mistake of reading one from Sam, and it only gets worse from there.
Mostly it's all along the lines of 'Bucky, listen to me, Zemo is not your friend' and his therapist has chimed in also to try and point out all the ways Zemo is gaslighting him, how giving up his own thoughts and desires is a fantasy he shouldn't be indulging in, he doesn't have to 'live this way' - whatever that means - and how he has to overcome the difficult challenge of breaking out of an abusive, controlling relationship.
It's all very well-intentioned, ever so slightly patronising, and leaving him feeling like the only person who actually cares about what he wants is downstairs trying to explain his Current Predicament to his butler.
He should be going downstairs trying to make sure Oeznik doesn't have an aneurysm and Zemo is okay, but he's just sitting on the edge of the bed mindlessly scrolling and deleting words of concern dejectedly while his eyes glaze over everybody's worries and opinions. He might head downstairs if he hears any raised voices though.
But so far, judging from the lack of commotion, it seems like Oeznik is taking it better than 'THE FLOOR IS HOT!' maybe?
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At least it doesn't take much to convince Oeznik it is indeed him. They've had a lifetime together and there are things only Zemo would know -- and fortunately, he must still look similar enough. He isn't treated as an intruder, and that's something, isn't it?
Of course there's some blame thrown at that Vegas trip, on Zemo being reckless and irresponsible that has him feeling like a teenager caught in mischief all over again. There's some frustration over Bucky clearly not watching over him as well as he'd thought, on top of the marriage and everything else that followed. It seems even Oeznik has his boiling point.
And then comes Zemo explaining they may have to leave again to-- fix this, meet with some of Bucky's acquaintances, deal in magic, unless he magically changes back or he accepts his very strange fate. He seems to have some reservations about getting too close to the remaining Avengers, most of all one of the ones Zemo put in The Raft himself. But what else can be done? Oeznik ultimately agrees in the end.
It doesn't seem as if the watch and the gifts, though appreciated, are enough to entirely soothe the old man's concern or irritation or provide a proper distraction, but he collects himself as much as he can, even manages a remark or two about having a lady of the house again.
The boardshorts go over as well as they both expected, confusion and a huff before Zemo insists that Oeznik needs to relax more, take it a bit easier. They are settled after all, and Oeznik has done enough to deserve it. The remark that it's impossible to take it easy when Zemo keeps bringing home more and more messes has the baron looking properly sullen by the time he goes back upstairs.
He tilts his head when he sees the other sat on the edge of the bed with that look on his face, scrolling through his new phone. Of course there would not be good news up here.
He sighs and moves to sit on the edge of the bed next to Bucky, casually toeing off his shoes. "Oeznik did not die of shock at the very least, and he is still preparing dinner if you're hungry."
Now, wouldn't that have been a perfectly depressing evening if his old friend had fallen over from a heart attack?
"Are you okay, James?"
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"I'm good. Just-- got flooded with texts from Sam." Bucky snaps his phone shut with one hand and puts it on top of the bedside drawer, leaving it to charge.
"I think it's safe to say, everyone knows we got married." In Vegas, no less, and while apparently those marriages don't count, they seem to all be taking it very seriously.
"Are you hungry?" Bucky asks softly, turning a bit more to face Zemo, pulling more than half of one folded leg up onto the bed. He'd rather talk about what they're going to do with the rest of their day than talk about what other people think about their marriage.
"Dinner might be nice. And a shower." He still feels like he's in that just-had-sex state and needing a bit of a cleanup. But he probably won't put too much effort into it because they're going to slink into the hot tub anyway.
"Don't worry about Oeznik," Bucky tries to reassure Zemo even though he has no idea what's wrong. "He'll come around."
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"Am I the dastardly villain, manipulating and controlling you?" It isn't quite a question, even if it's phrased as one. He can be rather certain they're reminding Bucky of all the little slights, all the bigger wrongs, and everything else he's been on the receiving end of when it comes to Zemo. Perhaps a little part of him wonders if Bucky is even considering any of their words of wisdom.
"Not particularly." But he did figure that Bucky just may be. "But a shower is a good idea. It will be quicker together."
... Provided they keep their hands to themselves, but Zemo doesn't see that being a particular problem at the moment, not when they've both got plenty to occupy their thoughts.
There's a wry smile at the reassurance. "I would say the same for Sam, but I think we both know better than that by now. I don't think he will be letting go of the fact that I put him in the Raft any time soon."
Zemo is already pushing himself up and starting to discard clothes. It's perhaps a little more awkward now that they're not wound up in the backseat of a car, but-- Bucky has already been as intimately close as possible. "Follow me, James. I will get the shower started... I may even let you under the water first."
Although it isn't very likely.
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"No, it's fine. He thinks I'm crazy. Crazier than usual." Forcing a smile, Bucky tries to dismiss Zemo's concern as though everything's okay, as though nobody's out for his blood, as though his phone isn't full of reminders of the things Zemo has done to him and the things he should be wanting to do to Zemo.
Bucky has spent more time feeling alone in the world than he has with company, so the censure doesn't bother him so much. But it's not always easy, when he's lived that life being a good boy doing what everyone around him tells him tto People who are closest to him have been trying to train him out of that, but now that he wants something for himself, he's struggling to find acceptance and approval.
"You never let me under the water first," Bucky points out as he shoves Zemo's discarded clothes to one side. He doesn't mind of course, but usually Zemo makes a point of stealing all the warmth from him and messing him up before getting him cleaned up.
He's a little more comfortable going to the bathroom with Zemo this time, starting to shed his clothes only once Zemo's in the shower and got the hot water started. Zemo's been fairly tame in the shower since Bucky hurt his hand but there's no guarantee he would stay that way.
"I don't think it's ever bothered you anyway. What anyone else thinks, about anything." Let them not start dwelling on that. Definitely not today.
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Zemo isn't a fool after all. There isn't any way that they aren't out for his blood, to put him back in prison -- now, especially. It involves Bucky again, and all the potential manipulation and control they'll assume is going on. It's... tiring, really. He's given Bucky ample opportunity to walk away from this marriage and yet-- he keeps insisting on staying.
There's a soft laugh as Zemo slips in -- under the water, of course. "It only bothers me if they intend on showing up on our doorstep."
He's rather used to ill opinions. Those aren't the issue, really. He expects them, with his past.
"What would they say, hearing you call me yours, I wonder." Besides that he's gone mad.
When Bucky has slipped into the shower, Zemo turns to face him -- and slide his arms around his waist. He may not be shoving Bucky into the wall for any play, but he does seem to have every intention of pressing against him and stealing some warmth, it seems.
"Be careful with your hand, James. I will help you wash."
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"Safe to say, they scoured every inch of Vegas. We were lucky to have left. I don't know if they found Oeznik." Sam knows to look for him, but he also knows Oeznik could compete with Bucky when it comes to loyalty. They're not the type to do anything to Oeznik if the boys were nowhere to be found.
"I don't care what they say," Bucky mutters quietly. It's not true to a certain degree but he does care more about what Zemo has to say. This is between them after all. He's a little worried the novelty of it all might wear off. But so far, the novelty of having a sulking hundred year old grumpy manatee rolling around his various safehouses hasn't worn off yet. Maybe there's hope that Bucky's not just an interesting bespoke one of a kind collection piece to be displayed in a room that no one ventures into.
Bucky makes a soft little noise that is part surprised, part possibly aroused as Zemo presses up against him, warm and wet and soft in places he's used to being more muscular, more hardened and scarred. He has to go that much further now to kiss him but that doesn't stop him from leaning down and trying to catch those lips in a gentle bite, metal hand finding a curve in Zemo's waist to latch onto while he fails at multitasking to keep his wounded hand out of the water without assistance.
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"Oeznik would have covered his steps at least." He would not have given them away... although he is more grateful than ever for their impromptu honeymoon trip. Hopefully, it threw them off their trail for a bit longer.
There's a smile at the affectionate biting before he's pressing a soft kiss to those lips in return, grateful for the momentary distraction. The little reassurance that Bucky isn't quite rethinking things just yet.
He does make an effort to guide Bucky's injured hand safely away from the spray of water. "I was thinking, James--"
There are kisses peppered between his words, soft little distractions. "If I am like this tomorrow-- if I am like this for an undetermined amount of time..."
There's no way to be certain of anything right now after all. If this spell will run its course, if he's facing something more permanent.. "I think I would like to-- go back to where my home once was. Pay respects to my family. I remember where I buried them, even if Sokovia is gone."
And it will keep them away from here for a bit, out of the country. Besides-- "It is something that I have put off for a long time now. I would like if you joined me."
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Bucky's whole arm goes lax in Zemo's grip. He doesn't even protest when Zemo ends up pinning his wrist to the wall for a bit, to remind him to keep his hand out of the water. He does go unnaturally still when Zemo suggests to drag him along to his old place, although that's likely more out of surprise or concern than it is an outright rejection. Bucky wouldn't mind going at all, but it feels something so intensely personal, and he feels like he would be encroaching, being there.
Zemo seems utterly serious about it though, and Bucky swallows and nods. He's not thinking about leaving Wyoming for a bit. Even if the thought of smuggling Steve along again did cross his mind... He wouldn't put Steve through that again though. Especially not after they set up the new cat tree and give him a safe place to perch and lie in the sun in.
Not that Zemo gave any thought to anything intensely personal when he brought them to Siberia. But maybe Bucky is more sensitive about these things. There are few people he would invite into his space the way Zemo is asking of him right now.
"Okay. Let's go." He flashes Zemo a tight-lipped smile and pets his hair on the back of his head, bumping foreheads in a silent gesture before his metal hand slides down the side of Zemo's body again.
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Or perhaps, with as well as he's studied Bucky down to every basic detail, he can allow him this glimpse into his life. They are married after all. The thought almost has him laughing still, just from how ridiculously far fetched all of this is. Certainly not in a horrible way though.
He stifles the urge with a fonder smile before he leans up to press a quick kiss to Bucky's lips. "I will ask Oeznik to make arrangements for us soon, then. I suppose it would be smarter to wait until morning, see if whatever sort of spell this is lasts."
The old man may prefer a bit of a break from them anyway. "Now, be mindful of your hand, James."
He makes certain to nudge his right hand right back against the wall before he reaches for the soap to start cleaning the other man. Of course he has his left hand -- but it seems rather busy at the moment and Zemo is in no hurry to brush it off. Not when he could be working soapy hands over the other and do a little bit of harmless groping of his own.
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It would be a little strange though, if they find Bucky rolling around in this big old house alone with a cat he's gone and named Steve because he's really lost the plot this time, marrying the titular villain of their shitshow. It's very unlikely that they'll just leave him here alone if that's how they find him, though. There's too much of Zemo in this house for them to really believe everything Bucky would categorically deny.
"Hmmh. Do you--... I haven't. Contacted anyone, but. Do you still want me to, if you're stuck like this for a while?" He gets that it is the desperate play, that they have no other choice, but he still wants it to be a choice. And, most importantly, Zemo's choice.
Although, Zemo did buy about as much clothes for his current form than Bucky has clothes for himself, so... Maybe he is planning on staying like this for a while?
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Well, it just seems like a very bad idea, all things considered. He isn't certain what he'd come back to.
"We could all go, if Oeznik is inclined..." It means uprooting Steve and he's not certain that's really best for the cat, but they also can't quite leave him behind in an empty house. Maybe they could board him for the duration...
Or maybe Zemo should let Bucky stay behind, but there's also the fact that the man may not care enough to take care of himself or the cat in their absence.
The question has him pausing, humming thoughtfully. "We will have to, won't we? Though I still can't quite escape the nagging feeling that it will be at least the beginning of the end of whatever peace we have found."
Involving more magic, or letting people know they are traveling together. "We will see if it lasts, I suppose."
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Oeznik is likely to veto any notion of Bucky being alone here, however, and make the trip there on his own at another time. He's taken it upon himself to look after all of them, and he's fairly certain Bucky and Steve won't be fine left alone to themselves. Steve will probably be fine, wander off on his own to find whatever scraps he's been living on all this time. He can't say the same for the lump they will find on the dust-covered floor when they return.
Still, Bucky likes to fantasise that Oeznik trusts him enough to leave him alone to man the house for a while.
"We'll see what he says." Bucky almost gets his hand wet again when Zemo shoves it back and keeps it out of the spray, helping to wash the soap off his body and rubbing him in places that make him whimper and squirm. He licks his bottom lip nervously and makes a disgruntled, warning noise. For someone who's not fooling around in the shower, Zemo's being a little handsy.
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Still a bit awkward with the differences, but Zemo is rather talented at at least seeming at ease in most situations.
"We will. For now, let's just enjoy the rest of the day as much as we can." They still have a bit to go after all, and it's been rather pleasant for the most part. Zemo would like to keep that trend going for a bit longer at least.
"Anything else you would like to do tonight, James? Besides the hot tub."
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