experienceandpatience

Plenty of adults eat pizza. He and Steve went out for pizzas before and they're over 200 years old between them. Just because he still feels a little weird about mooching off the baron doesn't mean he's acting like a kid. What the hell?

"There's been a few nice things." Although he's not thinking about their marriage and now having a wife instead of a husband right now. He does notice the way Zemo's looking at himself though.

"This doesn't have to be a bad thing either. Even if it's not-- a good thing, objectively. How are you feeling right now?"

Plenty of adults eat pizza, but not all adults choose pizza and mac and cheese over everything else. The mooching-- well, Zemo doesn't particularly see it like that. If he didn't want to give it, he wouldn't. He just happens to enjoy spoiling Bucky on occasion, and he's certainly got the means to do so with very little else to do with it.

"I should hope so." Otherwise, he's done something very wrong along the way if nothing has been nice at all. The question has him pausing thoughtfully. How does he feel right now?

"I'm enjoying myself. So I suppose I can't complain much."

"That's good." Resting his chin against his loose fist, he studies Zemo from across the table and flashes him a somewhat relaxed, wide smile. They haven't really been able to just go out like this and-- well, Bucky's always going to be checking over his shoulder and looking around, and he suspects Zemo will too. You can't ever shake that kind of paranoia off once you start living this kind of life. But they don't have to be on high alert all the time and just enjoy each other's company almost as much as they can do from the safety and privacy of their secret home. This really is the best they can hope for.

"Is it the clothes shopping or the hiding in plain sight or...?" Look at Bucky go, making slightly-larger-than-small talk without being prompted to. He tried to stay positive, he drove today, he's even taking the initiative - someone buy a lottery ticket.

It's the smile on Bucky's face. It's not one he gives often at all, let alone in public where they're both always at least a bit on edge. That's something that promises to never go away -- even if Zemo were to stay like this and live out the rest of his life in relative anonymity. But right now -- maybe they can make an exception and just relax for right now, enjoy their lunch.

It feels deserved.

"It is nice to not wonder if there are Wakandans lurking nearby or upstanding citizens who may recognize the war criminal and call it in." He leans his elbows against the table lightly, leaning forward just a bit closer to Bucky.

"But mostly, it's the company." Rocky morning aside, Bucky has indulged him all day. It may not be the smartest move, spoiling Zemo, but it's been very appreciated all things considered.

Bucky would be the last person to advocate for lowering their guard, but so far, their stay in Wyoming has been fairly uneventful. Everyone he's encountered may be friendly in a distant way, but they seem wont to keep to themselves for the most part, engaged in some silent, mutual understanding of you minding your own business and them minding theirs.

This is just going to lead to Zemo accusing Bucky of treating him differently when he was his wife than when he's in his usual body, but for better or worse, Bucky is as oblivious as ever and doesn't see that argument coming. He doesn't think it's true at all, but he's not the one that this has happened to, and he can't truthfully argue that there aren't any deeply entrenched gendered notions etched into his head, the way and the time period he was brought up in.

Still, he doesn't think there's anything wrong about being concerned about Zemo, and showing it in such an overt way.

"Well you've had the same company for a while now..." Bucky points out. Sure, it wouldn't hurt either of them to make new friends. But neither of them seem particularly inclined to expand their circle of trust.

There probably will be arguments later when things are back to the way they're supposed to be. But Zemo isn't quite bristling as much as earlier at the shows of concern or the way Bucky is treating him. He had a point after all -- there's no reason this should be a bad time when there are certain advantages to it for the moment.

Other issues can wait until later to be sorted out.

"Company I must generally enjoy or I wouldn't have been inclined towards rings at all." There's a soft laugh. It may not be a proper marriage, or one planned for, but-- it hasn't been terrible so far either.

And it's easier, keeping to themselves anyway. Safer.

At least it is for Zemo, if he doesn't want to slip up, go back to a prison cell. Bucky-- perhaps he could benefit from a wider social circle. Maybe Zemo is selfish in not quite encouraging it.

"How do you feel? Your mood seems better than this morning... I can't imagine it's the shopping that did it."

"You were--... out of it." There's no better descriptor for Vegas. He's never seen Zemo so uninhibited before and he doubts he'll see it again. No doubt it would have been fun and carefree and there had been a lot of positive energy, but also, it must have been terrifying in ways Bucky can relate to in a different way, to wake up and have this blackout where the rug got pulled from under his feet.

"But I guess we were already acting like a married couple. I know Oeznik said so, a couple times." Was Bucky eavesdropping again? Maybe. It's been harder since they stopped trying to teach him Sokovian. That won't stop him from trying to learn the language himself, but he needs more exposure from two people who are actively trying to stop him from picking up on everything they say.

"I've had some time." Which he seems to need, every time there's some kind of change. "You should be comfortable with yourself and your life and your house and... everything else." It can't just be that same house that's been standing there for decades, just as Bucky can't be the same man he was since the 1940s and if he wants to live in today instead of feeling like he's always lagging behind somehow, he needs to... be better, about things changing around him.

"A bit." There's no denying that, is there? He can't imagine it was amusing for Bucky to deal with -- Oeznik has certainly let his own opinions be known. "But that doesn't mean the vows were... meaningless. You know that, don't you?"

He can't say waking up married or to the aftermath of his terrible choices quite compare to waking up to a changed body. In retrospect, he'd have taken another bender to someone tampering with him like this... but a bit late to mourn it now. There's a soft chuckle at that mention, a shake of his head. "I suppose we have. I think he worries about... this. Us."

Or rather, whatever aftermath waits when all of this crumbles down. But Zemo doesn't want to dwell on that, not right now.

"I-- should have brought it up before Vegas. My apologies, James." At least he'd have had a warning. But-- "It's your house as well, and your life. I don't set out to make you uncomfortable or unhappy either... quite the opposite when I'm able."

It's a complication... Somewhere along the line his soldier and sometimes resilient bodyguard became someone he cares about. It's a danger in its own right, becoming that attached... as Oeznik has warned him countless times. But it's happened and Zemo isn't inclined to do anything about it at the moment.

Sure. They can count up all those scratches and bruises and the number of hours Bucky was sore afterwards as 'a bit'. Even though Bucky had fully healed by the time they got to the Alps, Zemo had just about broke his soldier in Vegas.

"There's nothing to worry about." Bucky had promised he'd be in this for the long haul. Wearing a ring only cements that. And he's still entertaining that pipe dream that this run they're on can go on indefinitely.

And there's nothing they can do about the house now. There's no way it's going back to the way it was. If Zemo feels more comfortable with all the new bells and whistles, Bucky won't have too much of a hard time getting used to them either. He might end up enjoying the sun room floor as much as Steve does. And he won't be the first person to hate a hot tub.

The bottle of wine is presented and poured out before getting set down in a bucket of ice on a stand, and the starters follow shortly after. Bucky declines the wine himself.

"Do they serve anything from a cardboard box?" He's only partly trolling.

That was certainly out of hand, yes, though at least not likely to happen again. Zemo still hasn't been indulging much in alcohol beyond a drink or two there -- he'd rather not wake up to another morning like that.

Zemo wants to insist there's plenty to worry about, but-- he decides not to. Not now. This dream will end one day -- but at least he can make certain Bucky has a home out of it, and maybe some spare funds to do with as he wishes. It isn't as if Zemo has any sort of heir or family to worry about outside of the two men and cat living with him at present. But that's a thought for another time. The idea of another cell... it's enough to make his chest tighten for a second.

"You could try something from a bottle," Zemo suggests. "Maybe you'd like it. Or they have beer on the menu..."

If they think Bucky wouldn't risk everything to try to protect Zemo, they'll be in for a hard fight, tooth and nail and it's going to be ugly and bloody and nothing will be the same again.

"It's wasted on me," Bucky reminds him, as though getting drunk is the only reason for drinking wine. He won't feel any buzz from it and the cheap stuff doesn't give him a headache or anything - he's been happy to guzzle it down. Besides, he runs hot as it is. Drinking will only burn him up from the inside out.

"Want a rice ball?" It doesn't look like rice, actually. It's crumbed all over and probably deep fried. But if it tastes as good as it smells, Bucky might be inclined to order something similar again next time.

Zemo isn't sure he'd like that, really. His fate was sealed the minute he promised to get justice for his family. There was never much hope of him being free, nor did he care at the time. He hadn't intended on surviving... and yet, he had, and here he still is. For whatever reason, Bucky seems to have decided against killing him, himself, even if Zemo has certain seen his name written in that little book of his.

But Bucky protecting him from police or Wakanda can only end poorly for him, ruin whatever chance of a life he may have. It isn't a particularly happy thought.

"Good wine is never wasted... on most at least." There are a few people he can think of that don't deserve the luxury of even boxed wine.

But Bucky hardly has to ask twice if he wants to try something, there's a nod. "Of course."

Of course, he can't quite stop a teasing smile. "Sharing off plates... I'm sure Oeznik would have a thing or two to say about this."

When he's accused them of acting married over lesser things especially.

"Well luckily he's not here, or he might tell me I'm using the wrong fork." Bucky never used to care about such things, but when he finally convinces Oeznik he can help with laying the table and gives himself only one fork with no knife or spoon, he usually gets the Deathly Glare into submission and gives himself more cutlery he ends up not touching. Bucky's made it stressful for himself to eat in, and there's a bit more breathing space when he's out with Zemo.

"Oh-- it's haww--" Yeah, that's probably why Oeznik gives him a knife, so he doesn't put the whole thing in and potentially burn himself with molten hot cheese and whatever else the filling is made from. He covers his mouth and tries - and fails - not to laugh while chewing on his rice ball and swallowing it without burning himself all the way down his throat.

"It's hot..." Don't do what he just did. Not that Zemo would put a whole ball into his mouth like an animal without cutting it in half first.

There's a laugh Zemo doesn't even bother to contain as Bucky fumbles with his food -- and fails to not burn his mouth. That is why one uses a knife first. Perhaps Bucky will remember that next time.

"James..." Zemo will take the time to cut his own into smaller pieces at the very least. "Was it good at least?"

"Mmh." He nods a few times, still chewing, brushing his teeth over the raised bumps on his tongue, blowing out a few times once he's swallowed. "It's nice." He probably should get some wine now, even if it's just to soothe the ache on his tongue.

"There's different cheeses in there." Yes, he can taste them, even if he does like his simple plasticky mac and cheese. He's about to reach over and pour himself some wine, but the waiter beats him to it, and he lets the wine sit on his tongue for a bit before swallowing.

"Oeznik's been getting experimental in the kitchen." Either that or he's grown tired of Bucky's overly processed shit and is trying all sorts of different ways to get Bucky to eat something that doesn't come prepackaged or is edible straight out of a box. "Must have been bored while we were gone."

"I imagine life was nowhere near as exciting with only Steve to keep him company." Although he imagines Oeznik enjoyed the break... maybe. Possibly. Either way, they're back to sample all the food he can manage now.

"So-- any requests for after lunch? We have the whole day, I suppose. No need to waste any of it." They do need to replace Bucky's phone at some point...

"He started making his own bread." That's apparently the benchmark or a sign that Oeznik might be going crazy, for Bucky. There's nothing wrong with his bread and the house smells amazing when he does it, but also, there's nothing wrong with the dollar loaf you can get from a place like walmart, and this artisan stuff seems a little overkill to him.

"Well if you're comfortable in your new clothes, we can walk around a little more. Enjoy the day out." It's not snowing right now and who knows what tomorrow will bring? If Zemo's uncomfortable though, Bucky can take them home and just throw everything into the wash, and they can lounge around at home for a little while and try to forget about this mess they're in.

"Baking is what concerns you?" That amusement lingers on Zemo's face, lips curled up. It is good bread, even if a bit extravagant all the time. He's not entirely certain it's a mark of insanity either.

"We can walk." He's fine-- mostly. Clothes are clothes, and even if he gets cold, Bucky is right there to wedge himself up against if he needs to... Bucky will just have to accept that will be his role on this little outing.

"It's nice to be out and not have to worry too much... and it would be a shame to waste it."

"He spent ten minutes trying to explain to me the importance of a good sourdough starter. Ten. Minutes. Helmut. He sounded like 70% Zola, 30% Gordon-- whoever." Bucky certainly didn't seem to notice that little slip of the tongue as he just furrows his eyebrows at Zemo and gestures by waving his fork around a bit while he talks.

"He binned the whole thing when the crust didn't turn out right and then he just stared at me when I ate his whole perfectly good loaf out of the garbage can." Because that makes Oeznik the crazy one, and not Bucky 'I starved through the 30s and being a prisoner of war and all I got was this lousy permanent brain damage' Barnes.

You know, Bucky's also noticed that Zemo likes leeching body heat from him. He hasn't said anything about it, and he honestly doesn't mind, but he does think that Zemo runs a little cold. That's why he's got the fur coat and the turtlenecks and maybe they should get him more thermal wear or something, keep him warm.

"Nowhere too crazy. Maybe we can go to the other mall, do a few rounds. You might see something else you like."

Helmut certainly gets his attention. Not in a bad way. He doesn't think anyone around them would know or care who Helmut is besides that being a potentially strange name for a woman. And besides, seeing Bucky so animated over bread and baking is rather amusing.

"Oh, James--" He wrinkles his nose. "You ate it out of the trash?"

No wonder Oeznik likes to call him the American Pig. "When I was young, I would spend much of my free time with Oeznik, and occasionally I was successful in convincing him to bake sweets for me. It isn't the first time I've seen him through out a batch of something not to his liking or sat through a lecture on the importance of doing things properly. Perhaps that's why my father always liked him."

Although Zemo also had the sense to not eat out of the garbage, of course. He can't quite relate to that one.

And why on earth would he need thermal clothing when he has a perfectly good human heater to wrap around? That hardly seems necessary.

"You're spoiling me today, James," he teases lightly. "I may get used to it."

"There was nothing else in there, and the bread came out perfectly fine." Because Oeznik obsessively empties it, also to deter Steve from poking around in there or tipping it over and making a mess when he's in a playful mood. Of course he wasn't expecting to also have to deal with the other man-shaped feral animal in the house.

It's just as well he hasn't started making sweets for Bucky. He has a hard enough time getting rid of the American when he's cooking already. Sweets would just make him a semi-permanent feature hovering around Oeznik like a persistent fly until he gets fed.

"We both want you to be happy." And free, obviously, although there's only so much they can do to preserve that. But anyway, happiness would involve spoiling Zemo from time to time. Bucky's okay with it. And Oeznik might or might not be subtly encouraging Bucky to keep indulging the baron.

"There was still garbage in there at one time..." Even if it had recently been emptied. At least Steve has the excuse of being an animal and not knowing better...

Although it's hard to be too judgmental when Bucky says stuff like that though. It isn't often Zemo is speechless at all, or caught off guard. He knows that Oeznik would rather him be happy -- the man has been at his side since he was a child, has watched and helped him grow into the man he is now. But to hear Bucky earnestly wants him to be happy as well, despite everything... he's not entirely certain how to respond to that.

"James..." He nudges a toe against the other man's leg under the table. "I wonder how I went from a name in your notebook to someone you-- care about."

"I-- don't like wasting food." Or, well, he has weird hangups about it, likely a relic of some unresolved trauma around unintentional and intentional scarcity. Rationally he knows he's not going to starve again - at least, not while he's around Zemo and Oeznik - but there's so many uncertainties that they're pointedly not talking about in their current situation. Bucky doesn't like throwing away his old clothes either.

"I care about every name in the notebook." It's just that he wants to take care of some of them with a gun and he wants to take care of the others with honest confessions. It's not a hitman's list of names of people to bury.

"I don't-- I don't think what you did is right." He used to sound a lot more certain about this, but it's testament to Zemo's silver tongue that Bucky seems increasingly doubtful. "But I don't think anyone stopped to think about what they put you through, either. And I'm. I'm done, being the guy who hurts other people all the time. I just want to be..." Bucky fidgets a bit, wringing his hands, hiding metal and bandages under those gloves, touching his wedding ring.

"...someone better."

Well, it isn't like Sokovia was a thriving country. Scarcity happened rather often... so maybe he can understand the inclination. But Bucky will not starve as long as he's around. Hardly necessary to dig for food.

As for the rest, he's quiet again, thoughtful. "If it is any consolation... I don't think it was right. Necessary, yes. But I hurt innocents to do it. I don't take pleasure in that and I do... regret some of it."

King T'Chaka, in particular. But simply because he regrets it doesn't mean he'd change it either. It's-- complicated. "Do you think you've managed it, James? To be someone better?"

"No." But, there's being better than the man he was yesterday, and then there's thinking about all the ways he's not and he will never be like Steve. Even if he woke up one day free from all these shackles, he would still be selfish, and angry, and more inclined to want to be left alone somewhere no one else can find him than do the right, heroic, sacrificial thing and make himself a martyr.

He'll never be better, if he thinks of it that way. But at some point, he's pretty sure he'll reach a stage where he's just 'good enough'. And that should be good enough for him, too.

"But I'm trying." And, in his own selfish way, Zemo is helping him too.

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