experienceandpatience

[ Hearing Zemo confess to fantasizing about him pushes Bucky all that much closer to the edge, the talented hand stroking him off another point of pleasure added to the already punishing pace he's set with his thrusting. Zemo changes angles and Bucky sees sparks behind his eyelids, jolts of pleasure zipping up his spine.

Zemo will get a few more encouraging, wanton moans from Bucky for that. ]

--Nnh, want me to think of you? Hands down my pants jerking it while I imagine you sucking me off?

[ His filthy mouth only seems to get worse the closer he gets, his leg hitching higher over Zemo's hip to enhance the angle and pressure. Another burst of breathy laughter leaves his lips, his brain absolutely swimming in chemical and physical pleasure. ]

Imagine me-- fuckin' myself open, all ready for you, fingers as far as they could go, mmn-- c'mon, almost there...

Of course I want you to think of me, James... what a silly question.

[He pants, jaw tightening as he listens to Bucky's words. The thought of the other man thinking of him when he's not around, remembering him -- it's selfishly satisfying. He slides his hands up the other's chest, fingers brushing the tags hanging around his neck, curling his fingers around them.

He can already feel his own release building up, pleasure lighting up his nerves, muscles tensing. He can't stop a pleased groan as he snaps his hips forward, harder, faster. Those words spilling from Bucky's lips aren't helping at all.]

Don't hold back. Let go.

[ The more frantic the pace, the lower and rougher Bucky's voice grows, rumbling in his chest until it's nearly a growl. It's Zemo playing with his tags that really does it, Bucky's hands gripping at Zemo's ass to pull him deeper as the feeling of being owned drags him over the edge.

When he shakes apart, it's with a whispered curse, eyes squeezed shut as he shudders and spills over. This climax hits even harder than the last, the feeling of Zemo in him brushing that most sensitive place drawing out a long, deep groan. Bucky starts pleading, begging Zemo to come, words half-formed and desperate. Feeling the man come apart when he's usually so controlled is the most delightful little drug; one he's become far too addicted to experiencing. ]

[The way he's pulled in closer, deep as he can possibly go in their current position. He grinds himself against Bucky, his jaw tightening as pleasure hits hard.]

James--

[There's a rough, deep curse that leaves his lips as he comes, hard, and deep into the other man - thrilling in the way he begs for it, how desperate he is to feel and see and--

He groans again as he leans over the other man, pressing a hand to the mattress beside Bucky's head to support his weight. For a moment, he's still, expression twisted in pleasure as he tries to catch his breath, every inch of him so sated, so eager to collapse against Bucky, even though he resists the urge. But he doesn't pull away from him yet, doesn't quite slip out of him before he leans forward to let their lips brush.]

[ Music to his ears, and a feast for the eyes. When Zemo leans in, Bucky claims his mouth, hungrily deepening the kiss as he rolls the onto their side. Now that they don't have to worry about supporting their weight, he's free to let his hand roam over flushed skin, to comb his fingers through hair dampened with sweat.

Fatigue threatens to push him off to sleep, but he resists as much as possible, cupping Zemo's face and brushing his cheekbone with a thumb. It's almost-- tender. ]

[He doesn't protest the movement, settling easily on his side with a sigh as he sinks into the mattress. The hand roaming over him earns another contented noise as he slides his own around Bucky's waist, keeping him pressed close.]

James...

[He smiles at the way Bucky's fingers brush over his skin -- something too soft behind it. Something he should hardly thrill in or enjoy as much as he does. And yet, here he is, pressing in close, tangling limbs together as he presses another kiss to Bucky's lips.]

If you're tired, you should rest.

Mmn. [ He hums by way of agreement, reveling in the comfort of a close body and the contentment of being able to tangle up with someone. It only takes a brief moment to (very reluctantly) shift so Zemo isn't stuck being uncomfortably buried in him all night.

It's probably foolish, too much attachment, but he bumps Zemo's nose with his own before nuzzling his neck and sighing. ]

'Night, Z.

[All of this is too much, too close, too fond. The way Bucky nudges against him, stays close... He thought for a moment about slipping out of bed as soon as Bucky had drifted off, gathering his things, leaving. But part of him strangely doesn't want to leave him to wake to an empty bed in the morning.

And selfishly, maybe he doesn't want to leave.

He shifts to get a little more comfortable with Bucky wrapped around him, lifting a hand to comb through the other man's hair in a gesture he shouldn't make. It's too intimate, too soft... but Bucky's asleep, right? It doesn't matter.]

Sometimes I miss your long hair. [He mutters quietly, carefully. He doesn't actually want to wake the other man. It may take him a while to drift off and join Bucky though.]

Bad mem'ries.

[ He mumbles, barely holding on to the last threads of consciousness. Even with short hair, being petted makes him drowsy (on top of their rigorous booty call marathon).

It's good Zemo has seemingly opted to stay. He wouldn't admit it aloud ever, but if he woke to an empty bed, Bucky would feel-- oddly heartbroken. Not that he thinks this can (or should) last, but it's at least something, not just an emotionless fling. Maybe it should be, but they're way past that now. Zemo makes him feel special, not like an outsider; something precious and not an anomaly. Waking alone would just drive him right back into that stormy drinking mood, spiral him back to the dark thoughts of not belonging, of being a thing to be used.

Zemo's above all that.

As he goes limp with sleep, Bucky dips under into unconsciousness, dreaming of abstract pleasantness and something safe, stable. He might get up with a throbbing headache, but his sleep is restful, undisturbed by nightmares. ]

[It would probably be better for both of them if he played villain here - broke Bucky's heart so that he could remain just a bad memory in Bucky's life and nothing more. Certainly nothing to curl around and sleep next to at night. It may be better for him in the long run, encourage him to find someone he can have some sort of future with.

But Zemo can't do that. Not yet at least. Perhaps he's selfish, not ready to part with the one thing that makes his life somewhat bearable. He continues to pat the other's hair lightly until he lulls into a sleep himself -- at least he'll be here to help with the inevitable nightmare. Maybe he can slip himself out of bed in the morning to make breakfast, even.

Though for now, his sleep is deep and just as undisturbed. It's a restful respite - and he has no doubt it's in part due to James nearby.]

[ When morning comes, Bucky's phone starts vibrating loudly enough to wiggle itself off the nightstand. The sound of buzzing is enough to make him stir, but at the dull thud of the phone on carpet, Bucky goes right back to sleep. If it's important, he'll just say his battery died.

And he is absolutely going to feel like he got hit by a sledgehammer, with all the booze he drank and all the water he didn't. But he settles against Zemo a bit more, unwilling to face the reality that he's gotten far, far too attached to this man. Zemo is too warm, too safe, too...here. ]

James...

[His own phone has been forgotten somewhere in the living room, but Bucky's is close enough to jar him from his sleep. He huffs out a tired sigh as Bucky curls back into him.]

Mm, it's time to wake up.

[Probably, at least. The morning light is coming in through the windows, someone is trying to get hold of Bucky...

It hardly stops him from press a drowsy kiss to the other man's forehead, from running fingers over bare skin wherever he can reach.]

I will make breakfast, but you have to allow me to move first...

[It's a gentle tease.

And by breakfast -- he likely means coffee and bacon, even if those are hardly the healthiest staples. They got him through a year while he took care of the Avengers, they can get Bucky through the hangover he likely has.]

And it seems someone needs to speak with you.

Nnnnno.

[ He grumbles, trying to tangle more with Zemo to keep him from prying Bucky loose. As delicious as coffee and bacon sounds, he'd much rather sleep in and try to ignore the impending migraine threatening to set in behind his eye sockets. ]

'm off t'day.

Do heroes get days off, James?

[He's trapped, hopelessly.

Or perhaps not so hopeless. He could get loose if he wanted -- he's just not certain that he wants to until he absolutely has to.]

So your plan is to keep me in bed and sleep? I will have to leave eventually, you know...

Not a hero.

[ He mumbles that too, refusing to open his eyes unless he's forced. Bucky might be settling in to helping people, but he's no Captain America that's for damn sure.

To answer Zemo's question, Bucky simply nuzzles his neck. ]

Mmm, no.

No?

[There's a soft laugh and he lets his eyes drift shut for a moment, enjoying the affection.]

Mm, I could get used to this. [A pause.] In another life, at least.

[Not in the one where he's a terrorist barely skirting returning to a cell because he happens to be useful to Valentina.]

[ Bucky's fingers curl against Zemo's ribs, thumb brushing over the ridges and dips there. In another life, Zemo says, reminding Bucky that this is merely a pocket in time, an intermission before the next act.

His stomach twists, anguish and denial and all sorts of convoluted hopes to bargain Zemo into freedom. It's good that his face is buried in the crook of Zemo's neck (always with a trace of cologne) so his frown isn't visible. Hopefully it's not felt, but it's difficult not to react to the reality of things when he'd prefer to stretch this out. ]

Are you okay, James?

[Maybe he can't see the expression, but it's easy enough to pick out the reluctance, the way the man stays stubbornly huddled against him. His fingers brush down over Bucky's back, tracing idle little patterns over his skin.]

[ Zemo can read him like a book by now, pick up on the slightest tells. Bucky goes quiet when he's upset, shuts down instead of boiling over to an outburst like when he's angry.

He heaves a soft sigh, wanting the touch to go on forever. ]

Just stay.

[He doesn't like this, the way Bucky's mood doesn't seem improved and he doesn't think it has anything to do with the hangover.]

For as long as I am able, James.

[He's a bit too concerned to slip out right now anyway. And maybe he shouldn't continue to prod, but--]

Has something happened?

[ Bucky was content waking up like this, pleasantly entangled with Zemo dozing next to him. Well, not the hangover part, but-- not being alone. Sharing a bed with someone who gets him.

Someone who literally can't stay like Bucky wants (or thinks he wants).

Maybe he's still groggy, or maybe it's the dehydration, or even the boneless fucked-out feeling that makes his tongue loose as he answers more candidly than perhaps he would otherwise: ]

Everyone always leaves me.

[Zemo is quiet in response to that, brows knitting together thoughtfully. One of his hands flattens against Bucky's back lightly. This isn't... how he ever envisioned things ending up.

Bucky wasn't supposed to care about him, nor want him to be near. He wasn't supposed to miss him when he wasn't It was supposed to be sex, that's all. Release for both of them, in ways that they both chose and enjoyed, in ways they needed.

But it's beyond that now and there's no sense in lying to himself about it. He isn't certain how to feel about being missed when he's inevitably gone. Not by Bucky, at least.]

After I lost-- everyone, I felt as if I was a dead man walking. I had no future beyond what promises I made over the graves of my family. I was simply living to honor those, even up to the point you came to me in Berlin. I thought that I could finish my work, find rest...

[Although they both know how that ended up, don't they? No need to rehash that. Although admitting what he's about to-- isn't easy. It won't uncomplicate matters... and yet, Bucky was honest with him. It seems only fair he attempts to do the same.

Even if he thinks for a moment he should save them both the trouble.]

And then you came into my life again and gave me something that feels like life again. All of that to say, whenever this is over, it will feel like losing everything once again. Believe me when I say that I would rather not leave you at all.

[ Bucky feels a gaping void beginning to crack his chest open, a black hole sucking every bit of life out of him and into the inky nothingness.

They're in too deep. It's out in the open now, and it's only going to get more intense from here. Moisture threatens to prick at the back of his eyes, but he fights the urge to let it win, focusing on keeping his voice low, neutral. ]

I woke up to a different face every time they took me out of the freezer. I didn't even know what it felt like to not be exhausted and afraid until Sam- [ sleeping over in Louisiana ]

Or you. This.

[ this ...whatever they are. Whatever they've been doing. It's star-crossed, but he can't ignore the way it just feels right. The way it clicks. ]

You will still have Sam, regardless of what happens-- here, with us. Most would say he is a far better influence, you know.

[Which doesn't seem as if it will be anything that ends well, at this point. He shifts a little, his free hand sliding up to try to coax Bucky to look up, to look at him.]

But thank you, James. It's... something I'm glad to hear, that I'm not simply a source of nightmares for you. [Not just a bad memory of old words and the loss of any autonomy anymore.]

And for now, we have time together, as much as I can convince the Countess to give us.

[ He lets Zemo draw his gaze upwards, still wrestling with the urge to hide his emotions after so long being a stony killer. But something he says makes Bucky's face twist. ]

You weren't a nightmare. [ It sounds ludicrous of course, how could someone who would activate the Winter Soldier not trigger nightmares? ] You never made me kill anyone.

[ Sure, he sent Bucky to the worst place imaginable, quoted words that stripped Bucky of his free will. But there was no mission. No sanctions, no targets, no objectives. Just information about a report from thirty years ago, and the location of the other Winter Soldiers.

That Zemo intended Bucky to be his escort and not his slave said much more than anything after the fact. Of course, Bucky can't justify the way Zemo turned his friends against each other (even if he understands it), but the man stands alone, a singular category amongst decades of Soviet and HYDRA overlords. ]

And I know you won't kill me now. [ A beat. Wry: ] Right?

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Who's chopping onions 😭

I don't know, but they're strong! 😢

When booty calls turn to Feels