experienceandpatience

If Oeznik ever shows up in a Hawaiian shirt, there may be something deeply wrong...

But there's still a soft chuckle at the mental image, and Bucky's compromise. Well, maybe Zemo can have mercy and choose something not tiny and uncomfortable. "I think I will manage, James."

He pulls away to get out of the car once they're parked, feeling only slightly ridiculous in his ill-fitting clothes. He will manage though... hopefully. It is nice to not have to look over his shoulder for anyone who may recognize him. He's rather certain no one will.

"I would say shoes first, but I suppose we should see the type of clothes before deciding that."

Is he going to try matching styles and colour coordinating already? Was Zemo always like this or is he just going full woman?

"Black boots go with anything," Bucky points out. He doesn't think it's safe for Zemo to be wearing oversized shoes shopping for clothes first, especially if the floor is going to be wet from melted ice off of other peoples' shoes.

"We can circle back and get more-- styles once you get some clothes." Bucky doesn't actually know how many styles of shoes women have. When he sees all those different shoes, heels - wedges, stilettos, two inches, four inches, platforms - flats, sneakers, boots, sandals, slip-ons, open toes, close toes - what the fuck are 'crocs'? - he's going to shit himself.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with caring about the style of your clothes -- even if these aren't the quality he's used to. Nothing tailored here, no expensive fabrics or high end labels. But he will make it work somehow.

"Not with everything. I was married before and my wife would have had a word with you about that. And you are the one who said to enjoy this while it lasts... black boots hardly go with something meant for a proper date." At least the type he's sure Bucky is talking about.

"But fine-- we will get a pair of shoes first." If Bucky is going to fuss so much, there's no reason to stress him out on what is supposed to be a day of freedom. "You're worrying over me so much today, James... is it some old-fashioned mentality you haven't shed yet or do I truly look so pitiful?"

"What proper date?" Aren't they just going somewhere nearby to have lunch and dinner? Do married people still date? Is Zemo expecting him to do something special? Don't do this to him, Zemo...

"I'm not old fashioned," he complains, stressing out a bit. "You don't like it when I look at you," read: stare incessantly in a kind of silence everyone else finds unnerving. "You don't like it when I ask if you're doing okay after this has happened to you. What do you want me to do?"

"We're going to dinner later, yes?" If married people want to stay married, they certainly do date once in a while... not that they're technically-- married. Not like that. But still, it sounds nice to dress up a bit, go to dinner like they aren't wanted anywhere at all.

"It's not that I dislike you looking at me, but it was a bit... much this morning." Perhaps he hadn't handled it well, between the yelling about changes and seeing what happened to his own body. Normally, that unnerving stare is something he can tolerate - hardly notices anymore. He breathes out a sigh before he turns his attention to Bucky.

He's maybe been a bit too defensive today, too suspicious.

"Apologies," he murmurs before he starts towards the shoe section of the store. "I feel like things have been out of my control lately and it isn't a feeling I do well with... this was the tipping point. So I'm not certain I'm okay at all, but-- I want to try to enjoy this day as much as possible."

He makes a line for the boots, focusing his attention on those, trying to decide what size he may need now, which style. "And I would like to enjoy it with you, James. We may not get another opportunity."

Oh they are most definitely technically married and Bucky who has never been married before is low-key panicking right now. It's not as if he could have consulted Oeznik for advice. He hadn't prepared anything. Does he have the time to try and sneak away and surprise Zemo with something nice? Probably not. Not in a way that Zemo wouldn't notice, anyway.

"Don't apologise." It's not like Bucky's not partially to blame. He picked a bad time to act out. The whole morning's been a bit much and if Bucky isn't acting normal, he doesn't recognise what he's doing different that Zemo has picked up on.

Anyway, dinner is a dinner problem. They can just focus on boots for now. Of which Bucky can now see there are many kinds for women, with and without heel, ankle high, knee high, thigh high, leather, canvas, Gore-Tex...

"Is 'ugg' short for ugly?" Bucky wrinkles his nose at the UGG boots, leaning in close to examine the sheepskin interior. Of course, that's where Bucky would find a gem of a pair that he immediately picks up and laughs at.

"It's like your coat but for your feet." Clearly he hasn't been clothes shopping much because this is too ridiculous.

Zemo hadn't actually intended to induce any sort of panic over dinner. It isn't as if they haven't had-- what may constitute as a date or two in the past. He's happy with food and company, and not worrying if law enforcement will be stepping in to drag him away again.

He finds something that feels like it would be practical for right now right about the time Bucky decides to pick up-- that. There's an amused huff. "James... my coat is much nicer than that and you know it."

He nudges a shoulder into the other man and shakes his head. "Let me try some of these on, and then we will find the underwear section..."

He'll need some, especially if this ends up lasting more than a day. Hopefully Bucky can look at the lingerie with a straight face.

"I 'unno, this says it was harvested from real sheep." He's pretty sure Zemo's coat isn't made of real sheep. Although Zemo might have caught him once or twice either partially under the coat or just hugging it like a pillow, breathing in the cologne and humming contentedly as he slowly drifts off to sleep.

He clears some empty boxes aside on the closest seat so Zemo can sit down and try a few different pairs on. He's really going for it, different designs and heels and shapes and materials, which shouldn't surprise Bucky. Zemo's the adventurous one between them. Bucky would have just worn the same thing, just in different sizes.

He's far more at home around the shoes than the underwear when they do eventually leave all the footwear behind. He's the only guy wandering amidst the fields of bras and panties and the few stringy pieces of buttfloss, garter belts and mesh sheer chemises as they get to the sexy lingerie has him blushing and averting his gaze.

He's tense and on edge until he finds a corner to hover around, and then he gets distracted by some lacy pieces that he can't resist touching and a silky nightgown that he grabs a handful of and rubs between his fingers, feeling the fabric against his callouses. Maybe he really is old-fashioned and boring. There's certainly no silk or lace action in the bedroom.

He could point out the fact that Bucky seems much fonder of his coat than the shoes-- of course he's seen the soldier using it as a makeshift pillow or blanket before. It's-- endearing, in a way. One that Zemo can't bring himself to complain about when it seems oddly contenting for Bucky.

There's no point in not exploring the other side now that he's rather stuck for the time being, and for who knows how long if they have to seek outside help. They'll find something to do with the items after... hopefully there is an after.

The underwear is a bit more daunting. There are so many more styles of underwear for women-- thongs and bikinis and briefs and hipsters, and everything in between. He's not entirely sure what to choose, and part of him almost wants to pass on it for an overwhelming second. He eventually settles on a few items though... just in time to see Bucky's fascination with the gown.

"We could get that if you like it so much," he jokes.

Does Zemo really want Bucky to be rolling around on the floor chewing on his shoes?

"I don't like wearing much when I sleep." He's also not really the lounging around with his hair rollers and fluffy slippers type, even if Zemo is slowly introducing him to the concept of lounging around, so he wouldn't have a need for a gown.

Bucky pointedly ignores Zemo's haul of underwear and looks around the other parts of the store. He expects that Zemo wants to spend some time trying on different clothes, so he plucks a shopping bag off the nearest stand and holds it open, letting Zemo dump all the things he wants in there.

"Is it weird buying women's clothes? I mean, I know you were married, but. This is for you..." Clothes are clothes in the end, no real reason why they have to be gendered. But Bucky would have hangups wearing some of the things Zemo's put in the bag. It does feel a little pervy...

Well, Zemo isn't one to complain about Bucky's lack of clothing when he sleeps, really. Most especially when it's often in his bed and he reaps the benefits of all that exposed, warm skin often enough. But he does give a shake of his head as he dumps items into the bag, giving a thoughtful hum.

"A bit, but... I suppose it is a chance to experience things from a different perspective. It shouldn't be wasted, should it? Most don't get this chance."

He flashes a curious look though, studying Bucky in the way that he always does. While Zemo isn't the type prone to shame in these matters, he doesn't necessarily want to make Bucky any more uncomfortable than he's been. "Are you uncomfortable with it, James? I noticed you were certainly not interested in a shower together this morning."

He can make certain he's covered up a bit if it helps.

... Although the underwear stays. "It's fine, if you are."

"I wasn't 'not interested'. I just-- think you should be comfortable with it first. I-- you wake up and someone's done something to your body that you don't know-- what or who or why. Figured the last thing you would want is someone touching you. Even if it's-- someone you know..." Not that showers come with expectations of touching or anything, but it's bound to happen, standing together in close proximity like that.

Well, who knows. Maybe Zemo wants the attention, the prodding. Bucky didn't. He doesn't have any strong feelings about how Zemo is presenting, one way or another. It's the same guy underneath. But this just feels like a kind of violation that Bucky isn't comfortable with.

"I'm not fine with it. I don't like that this has happened to you, without you wanting or knowing about it." Which, ultimately, has very little to do with the fact that Zemo can pass off as his wife now. His shoulders slump a bit and he closes the bag, pulling it a little closer to himself.

"But we'll deal with it." He recognises that Zemo's not exactly blasé about it. Being stuck in this predicament is just visibly bothering Bucky more than it is Zemo at the moment.

Zemo is about to point out that a joint shower isn't especially an invitation to touch, or maybe he's contemplating cutting off this conversation entirely. It's not appropriate, in the middle of a store where people can overhear and Zemo isn't one to wear his feelings on his sleeves in any real way. At least not the ones that leave him feeling exposed and vulnerable, or weak in any sense of the word.

But Bucky seems sincere, and he seems bothered. It isn't a surprise -- he woke up entirely remade into a weapon, changed in ways that had to have been like living through a horror. Zemo can't say this hurt him at all, but someone out there still did this to him, still changed him in invasive ways.

Logically, you can always understand how awful it must be to have that happen. But to actually understand it on some level, to have experienced it? Maybe Zemo is getting more of an understanding than just reading a book or looking through files can give.

"I'm... not certain if I've shown my appreciation properly today," he admits after a moment. He's been stressed and torn between finding a solution out there somewhere and hoping any moment, he'll wake up properly and he'll be back to normal, and not knowing how to find a solution at all. Not knowing why this happened or how isn't helping either, Bucky is right.

This isn't the place to have this conversation, but it is happening. So all Zemo can do is tuck himself in a little closer to Bucky, bring up a hand to brush over the side of his face carefully as he lowers his voice. "I'm not happy with any of this either, but-- if we must call your contacts, then we'll need to leave Wyoming again. They may not want trouble, but I would rather them not know where we truly are all the same. I may have to tolerate being like this for a while if that's the case. That is why I want to pick up more than a days' worth of clothing."

He pauses before meeting Bucky's eyes. "Even when I've been returned to prison, that home is yours for as long as you wish it, so I would rather keep it safe."

A shrug before he tries to lighten the mood-- "As for touching... you are the only one who could succeed right now, but we will see how the night goes for that."

Yeah, maybe JCPenney's lingerie section is not the place to be airing your outrage in a semi-outside voice. They should have gone to Walmart. That's where everyone talks about everything in any aisle and no one would care about their conversation. It'd probably be the tamest one there.

"You're not going back," Bucky insists adamantly. He's grown maybe a little too attached now, long before they got married. It was what Zemo had wanted, after all, and he got Bucky to hand over the keys willingly and without protest. Them getting caught is just going to be another kind of conditioning, somebody coming in to wean Bucky off someone who actually cares about him and control who he spends his time with, doing what, where, and when. He's had quite enough of that already.

"Alright. Fine. We'll take a long drive. Call them from some motel room two states over." He'll figure it out. He has to. He likes Wyoming, even if it's new and improved in ways he's still getting used to, but he doesn't want to be alone in that big farmhouse.

Bucky is fine talking about genocide and prison and magic and experimentations in the department store floor, but as soon as things get lightly flirtatious he gets flustered again. He saw some of the underwear Zemo put in that bag. It's just as well they're out or he'll be blushing all day.

"Shouldn't you be less horny as a woman?" Isn't it a testosterone thing? Why is Zemo always horny? He gives Zemo a nudge towards the clothes section, where they can pick up some shirts... or blouses... and pants or leggings or dresses or skirts or... There is a whole floor of clothes.

"I will one day, James." Not to be cruel or dismissive, but they can't run forever. It's not realistic to think that one day, Wakanda won't catch up and demand their justice, however they choose to take it. But they can delay it for as long as possible, surely. He finds himself worrying more and more that Bucky will be fine when that day does come though, that he won't backslide into something he won't want to be.

But that's a worry for another day. "That's all I ask."

For another state, somewhere far away. He smiles in satisfaction, even if it's a bit short lived. It's followed by a roll of his eyes as he leads them over to choose some clothes. "Oh, James... that is certainly old fashioned."

And it's hardly like he is dragging Bucky off to a dressing room or suggesting a quickie in the back of the car. He's not quite that horny. "If we're going by that, then you should be far more interested." 'Interested'. Horny will likely get them dirty looks from some of the older ladies shopping the sales rack not far from them.

Slacks and blouses and sweaters -- a dress for their dinner tonight. It isn't quite what he'd normally wear on a date, but these aren't normal circumstances... and a suit may not be quite the look he wants.

He's been fine since he tumbled into that ravine. It won't bother him at all to have people come into his life again and tell him how to live it. He's perfectly fine right now, clearly, not fallen into a kind of silence that's masking the unhappiness and the uncertainty about what's coming next.

"Well you know. You get to a hundred years old, nothing works anymore and you just want to be left alone," he says quietly, the half-hearted attempt at a joke sounding a little deflated.

"Maybe-- if you stay like this, they won't find you." Sure, one look at Zemo in the flesh and it's obviously him, and a few tests would confirm it, but he could easily fool all the security cameras like this, and that's what everyone's heavily reliant on these days.

The joke gets a quiet snort from Zemo as he looks through clothes, plucking out a few things as he goes. He hasn't forgotten about the swimsuits either -- for any of them, Oeznik included.

"Possibly," he agrees after a moment's hesitation. He wonders if that's Bucky making some subtle request or just pointing out the obvious.

"No one would be looking for, nor expecting a woman. If we kept our heads down, it's quite possible they would think you ran off to settle down. Quite normal, isn't it? And surely no one would say you don't deserve that sort of break after everything... Of course, I would want a new ring. This is clearly a man's."

He turns his attention to Bucky briefly. "We have today, at least... to do as we like and to act however we want without worry of who may recognize us. I think it's best to put that talk off until tomorrow, James."

"A new ring?" Bucky perks up a bit. "I thought you wanted a divorce..." It sounds a little ugly putting it that way, but that's what undoing their marriage would entail.

Also, he didn't know rings were gendered, so there's that. Their bands look almost the same so, sure, he won't question it if theirs are supposed to be a man's ring.

He takes a few hangers from Zemo so he can free up his hands to browse more things.

"Sure. Anything you want, honey," he jokes a little more animatedly, a teasing little smile tugging on the corners of his lips. Once Bucky is over this transformation, Zemo will never hear the end of it.

"...what's the point of a sleeveless turtleneck?" Zemo might need to drag him to stand guard by the changing room if he doesn't want to be inundated by a dozen questions.

It had mostly been a joke, the ring thing, but he does give a look at the comment that's certain to get them a few looks. "You seemed to want one. And you were very offended at the idea of a honeymoon..."

Not that Oeznik's prank hadn't left them both a bit disgruntled. But a divorce isn't very high on the priority list, particularly at the moment.

There's a huff at that honey, but Zemo can't quite keep the amusement off his face now that Bucky seems to be in the mood to joke and tease again, and not thinking about when Zemo may be back in a cell again. Much better for the both of them, really.

"It's-- just how it's made." How is he supposed to know the why exactly? It's for the look. He shakes his head and reaches back to tug Bucky along.

"I need to try some of this on. You wait here." Bucky is just going to get the full husband experience of waiting while his wife tries on multiple outfits, then.

"Then we will go get your swimsuits. We'll be done then... which is good. I'm more than ready for lunch."

"I don't." He didn't-- originally want to get married. But now that they are, he doesn't particularly want to renounce anything, even if they never really had something like this.

Besides, he's not terrible at playing husband, standing near the entrance of the changing room holding onto a bag of Zemo's purchases. He knows he can probably get away with letting his guard down, but he's still checking out anyone that walks past, still keeping an eye on the entrances and exits.

It was a nice honeymoon, all things considered. And Oeznik probably had Bucky's sanity in mind rather than Zemo's potentially getting antsy about the isolation, which... it's not that he feels Oeznik has never cared about him, but it's odd to have his preferences catered to. Even if Oeznik might have been punishing Zemo a bit for his uncharacteristic recklessness.

"How are they?" he asks when his head snaps over his shoulder at the sound of unusually quieter footsteps and Zemo emerges from around the corner.

There's a bit of a smile at that insistence. They should, really. If this doesn't last, or they track down one of Bucky's contacts to fix this predicament... well, people are going to think Bucky is certifiable, marrying Zemo of all people. But Zemo isn't feeling particularly inclined towards it, now that he's had time to cool off.

And maybe the time out in isolation did give him time to think, even if it equally drove him insane. Bucky had enjoyed it though, and Zemo hadn't had any embarrassing bouts of anxiety when the walls felt like they were a bit too close to closing in.

It certainly prevented Zemo giving into the irrational urge to disappear for a bit -- something in retrospect seems like it would have harmed Bucky far more than he'd have truly liked.

"Why don't you tell me, James?" Because even Zemo may be feeling a bit... awkward, actually. He isn't prone to shame or embarrassment, but this is all very overwhelming territory. Not quite like surprising his wife with a new item for her collection after being away for just shy of too long or accompanying her on shopping trips.

People are going to think that Bucky is certifiable either way. They shouldn't drag Zemo or anything else into it.

"It's nice," Bucky offers unhelpfully, the way husbands are okay with anything wives could have emerged from the changing room wearing. "You look like... you. Just different." But the same. Does that even make sense? It made sense in Bucky's head.

"Are you comfortable?" Zemo's always got so many layers on, and he wears fancy stuff that Bucky wouldn't think is comfortable. But Oeznik thinks Bucky is sloppy, so he's probably not even one to talk.

There's a brief, skeptical look at Bucky's reassurance before he nods acceptingly. Surely if he looked ridiculous, then Bucky would tell him. "I'm fine."

It's-- different, but he'll feel better once he has his coat -- or a new coat. If he really wants to blend in and not stand out. Either way, he takes a step towards Bucky and makes a motion with his hand. "Why don't you go find your swimsuit? I will join you in just a moment."

"Okay." Is Zemo not going to pick something awfully skimpy and revealing out for him? Well, he shouldn't be encouraging that anyway... Bucky's just going to pick out a simple black pair of trunks that don't seem much different from his usual 'walking around the house in boxer briefs for as long as he can manage without Oeznik catching him' attire.

And, because he likes to make Oeznik's eye twitch, respectable monochrome boardshorts for the old man with one hibiscus printed on the one side. Not quite Hawaiian, but not quite so boring either.

Everyone's got to start somewhere. They thought they'd never be able to get Bucky to ~~unclench~~ unwind and look where he is now.

He can be polite and let Bucky choose something within his comfort level -- Bucky didn't shove skimpy, revealing things at him while they were shopping for his clothes, so he can extend the same consideration.

And once Zemo has picked up a few other items, collected himself as much as possible, he goes in search of Bucky, giving a bit of a smile when he spots him. "There you are. Come on, let's go pay. I'm not sure about you, but I'm starving and we need to decide where we will have lunch."

A pause. "I decided on dinner already. A nice steakhouse... it seems quiet, private."

And it should have something they'll both enjoy. Perfect spot for a date when their options aren't terribly grand.

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